The Borgia Bulletin 3×5 (The Wolf and the SPOILERS)

This is a hunting episode, with quarry enough for everyone!  That like never happens.  Yet it is still believable!  And cruel as well as convenient!  Huzzah!

Dear Cesare: The real name of this episode could’ve been Cesare Borgia-wooing is easy!  Of this season, actually-you woo them even when you’re really uncomfortable with it!  I’m so happy you found a wife you actually are comfortable with.

Dear Charlotte Bride: You’re kindof too cute to be on this show or in this family.  I’m really excited to see how you handle your first big curve and I’m all ready to give you a PANTHER! to either celebrate or swipe at your reaction.  In the meantime, keep on keeping Francois Arnaud onscreen without clothes.

Dear Machiavelli: You need to show up more.  Period.

Dear Lucrezia: I’m sorry you couldn’t kill him yourself, really I am.  I do love the fact that you can let go and let Michiletto take care of you.  You, Michiletto, and Cesare make the perfect dysfunctional threesome.  I can’t even stand it.  Also, your last dress with the slitted puffed sleeves?  Gorgeous.

Dear Michiletto: Hoops of steel, you say!  I believe you, good sir!  I ALSO believe you are already exactly as loyal as the servant in “The Frog Prince” whose heart broke when he lost his master to the witch’s curse and so wound a band of iron around his chest to keep it together so he could go on living long enough to find his prince again.  EXACTLY.  I didn’t know I could love you more, and yet I do.

Dear King Ferdinand: These are the shrieking eels.  Keep them around on purpose and eventually SOMEONE’S gonna have to get eaten by the eels at this time.

Dear Nurse: Thank God you apparently take Giovanni out of his room mysteriously late at night, but…seriously, where on earth are you going??  It’s not like he has an actual bathroom or anyone asking to see him that late with Lucrezia gone or…anything.  I don’t understand it.  It was distracting.

Dear Bianca:  I really wanted to start this review by saying, “Scriptural dirty talk FTW!” but…then you just got so pitiful and wrenching.  It was an excellent progression and you executed it really well.  Go haunt Juan Borgia for me for awhile, okay?  I feel like you deserve to do more.  Also, I think you’ll be glad to know, you did manage to get your husband back for what he did, with a little assistance.

Dear Cardinal Sforza: I’ve always loved your ‘Cardinal Sforza is practical’ to ‘Cardinal Sforza can connive with anyone, bitch!’ arc, but never more so than today.  Today, you are officially an honorary Borgia.  All caps off to you, and I can’t wait for the day when you’re carrying around a vile of poison in yours.  Perhaps it has already come and we just haven’t seen it yet.

Dear Caterina Sforza: You continue to make me love you.  Don’t ever let up.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: