Once Upon a Time “The Doctor”

First off-this episode is just silly.  There is no reason to take it as anything but fanfic, as far as I can see.  However, since it is officially cannon, here are some things that can be gleaned from it.

SPOILER LESSONS

1. Either Europe is a  whole different world from the U.S. in this show, or Frankenstein’s from a parallel Europe, where I presume there are also vampires, werewolves, and Dracula.  Maybe a third season will bring us Van Helsing for next Halloween.

 

2. Regina must have very intermittent filing skills, cause though in this episode she claims she has no idea which heart is whose, last season she went straight to the heart belonging to Graham, knowing exactly where it was and who it belonged to when she killed him.

 

3. Speaking of baby-sitting, apparently Charming thinks horses make excellent baby-sitters so he doesn’t actually have to watch Henry.

 

4. It seems we’ve reached Pirates of the Caribbean territory with this magical compass business.  Maybe the giant has a pet kraken here.

 

5. Obviously, when one realizes one’s true love is really gone, the first thing they do upon leaving the body is to go shopping for black leathery outfits.  Right on.

 

6. So, the king just lets Regina wander off with Rumplestiltskin?  She had the wedding in there somewhere between agreeing to study magic with Rumple and what we saw this week, though she’s dressed the same and acting the same in the beginning?  What exactly does he think she’s doing?  He suddenly doesn’t care about having her around to grace his court and look her part, the way he seemed to like having it in the genie episode?  He doesn’t care about not having his new bride physically around right after they were married?  Also, he wasn’t planning on taking her on a honeymoon, apparently?  This is post that?  This timeline just throws everything hella off.

 

7. It doesn’t occur to anybody that the reason bringing people back from the dead with this procedure is that it’s with THE WRONG HEART?  Get the right heart to the right person-maybe it’ll work out right.

 

8. When we get truly to the Pirates of the Caribbean stuff, I want Johnny Depp.  Just sayin’.

 

“The Ghost of Harrenhal” GoT 2×5

Well, this is just getting ridiculous.  Why?  Check the spoilers.

 

1.Killing off Renly that quick, in such a plotpoint, cheating way feels nothing but contrived, forced, and because it happened so fast without even the drama of a fighting chance, laughable.  One of the best nominees for king is dead and I’m gaping at the screen going, really?  If all you needed was a good assassin, surely you could’ve found a human one or three?  I still didn’t get a good look at the holy hell thing, and I went through trauma, TRAUMA, I say, watching that thing get born-I deserve a decent once-over.  Also, I expected something rather more terrifying that a slick, one-man job done with efficiency and discretion from something that a) came from the woman whose catch-phrase is “The night is dark and full of terrors,” b) caused me head-trauma on its delivery, c) clearly has the capacity to do an awful lot more-seems wasted, and d) IS A HOLY HELL ABOMINATION.  CAN’T A WOMAN GET A DECENT THRILL OR HORROR OUT OF A HOLY HELL MONSTER ON THIS, OF ALL SHOWS?  I mean, really-teenage Joffrey is running around psycho, Theon is the cause of all kinds of mental horrors, there’s rat-torture porn, and the frigging shadow-terror of the crazy priestess can’t do better than this?

 

2. At least Margaery’s still in the game.  Why do we need Baelish here, again?  Seems to me the girl always knew how to survive-she was working on Loras before Baelish got there.  Did we just need a man’s voice or something?  Let Margaery shine-we don’t need no Littlefingers here.  Although he did take screentime away from the awfulness that is Natalie Dormer’s dress, which is good.  Also, I do note that Margaery and Stannis share a penchant for using the precisely accurate word.

 

3. Jaqen is officially awesome.  However, he is becoming a close friend of Arya’s.  Perhaps her curse has been shifted to work in her favor this season?  After all, Gendry got away.  A woman wants to speak like him now.

 

4. Dany’s grappling once more with cultural divides.  This is the most interesting part of the show, right now.  Unfortunately, it rapidly falls to the ploy of the guy who got her into Qarth proposing.  It seems very Beauty-and-the Beastish considering she’s stuck in his home, with his things, and he’s offering her wealth and ‘freedom’ of mobility if she weds him.  Unfortunately, something about the lines in these scenes just didn’t feel real to me.  Perhaps the idea that everyone else knows more than her?  Her maid said to expect a proposal from the guy and suddenly he’s there, proposing.  Some alien-looking guy knows how to do tricks that clearly other people are familiar with.  A mysterious woman shows up with cryptic clues.  Suddenly I’m in a fairy tale!  And while I love fairy tales, it’s not the same as being in an epic fantasy story with grit, and certainly not the amount of politics and battles as this story.  There’s a big disconnect for me there-this just felt separate and off.

 

5. I still have no reason to care about Brienne.  Also, the wording of her assessment of Catelyn strikes me as very conventionally sexist, which is odd considering the source and makes even the most token women-are-strong-too character a supporter of traditional ideas in this regard.  Also, why is Catelyn still talking about going home?  She’s got more to be worried about with Robb now with Stannis’ new army that she just appeared in opposition to than ever.  This whole scene just feels like wasted time to me.  So, the bodyguard wants revenge for the murdered king that slurred her honor.  Why do I care?

 

6. Maybe we should just follow Sam’s adventures when we’re with the Night Watch.  This scene just showed how clearly Sam has a personality and could be fun to watch, while Jon Snow does nothing but mope around, ever.  New Night Watch guy seems to know a lot.  Can we just not use ravens this side of the wall?  It seems like everyone over here knew everything the folks at the wall should’ve known for a long time.

 

7. Aha!  Jaqen completed his first promise!  See how that happened without disturbing labor scenes or random holy monsters?  A man killed another man.  Simple.  Plus, we’re convinced he can do it again, in less convenient circumstances.  Imagine that.  I officially do not forgive this show for putting me through that labor scene-just get another awesome man who can assassinate like Jaqen, or possibly even a woman. Just because it’s fantasy doesn’t mean it has to get ridiculous.  Or ridiculously convenient.