Lords of the Rings AND Other Things

In a recent birthday discussion about activities with the Lord of the Rings cast, in literary figures and then in actors, several things became clear.

1. If a magic school the equivalent of Hogwarts began in Middle Earth, its founders would be:

-Elrond for Ravenclaw

-Boromir for Gryffindor

-Samwise for Hufflepuff

-Saruman for Slytherin

2. When visiting a haunted house with a LOTR character, you should take Aragorn.  He’d totally have your back.

3. When on a whale-watching boat, the person to hang out with is Sean Bean.  He has the ability to engage in and enjoy shipboard merriment while simultaneously being aware of the environment and on alert for sightings, even if the other passengers include pranksters.

4. If one had to babysit with someone that someone should be Elrond or Hugo Weaving-can you see the expression on his face when they overhear things he hadn’t wished them to or started running the wrong way?

5. If one of the cast had to be your wedding planner, it should be Andy Serkis.  He’s got directing experience and the ability to make incredibly stressful, going-wrong things laughable.  If it had to be a character, your wedding planner is Faramir. 

6. If one of the cast were to give the first speech at your wedding, it should be Boromir.  He gives short, sweet speeches and appreciates the real life of the party.  Moreover, he’s good at directing everyone else to partake more in the merriment.

7. If one of the cast were stalking you, it should be Billy Boyd.  If one must have a stalker they should be a soulful Scottish singer.

8. The funniest charades partner would be Dominic Monaghan.

 

Other things have candidates.  For instance

-When going to a haunted house  with the actors, would it be more fun to go with Elijah Wood (reassuringly goofy, but into it) or Liv Tyler (loving the fear, but reassuringly on the brink of laughter)?

-Would the best character stalker be Pippin (hilarious and bearing food) or Legolas (most soothing stalker ever and pretty)?

-Would you rather play charades with Haldir (swishy, painstaking, and interpretive dancey) or Legolas (earnest, stiff, and hilariously helpless at guessing)?

-Who would you most like to maintain an allegedly fancy garden with?  Ian McKellan (“Good work, now let’s knock off and have some iced beverages in our hats”) or Liv Tyler (“All paths lead to beautiful”)?  In characters, would you partner with Elrond (who guarantees both serene learning and a flourishing garden) or Samwise Gamgee (who guarantees growing things and agreement to your plans)?

-Who’d make the best college roommate?  Frodo (quiet, reader, good for dancing at parties and rooting-for-you advice on crushes) or Faramir (quiet, reader, good for hiking and giving perspective on parental issues)?  Or acting-wise, Ian McKellan  or Liv Tyler?

-Who would you like to host a dinner party with?  Gimli (most enthusiastic foodie, good for rousing the carousing) or Bilbo (best thinker of food choices and used to putting up with the worst of manners)?  Ian McKellan or Elijah Wood?

-Would your favorite Middle Earth designer (if all of them became adept for an epic designing show) be Faramir (Symbols, shininess, whites, and blues) or Eomer (Soft cloth, warmth, golds, and burgundies)?

-Who would you most like to bake cupcakes with?  Theoden (coziness, inept comedy, and victory announcements) or Samwise (earnest, peaceful, and up for most of the work)? Or Elijah Wood (goofy, messy, and everything-licking good) or Liv Tyler (calm, sweet partier)?

-Who would you like to ride a roller coaster by?  Galadriel (twinkle-in-her-eye) or Faramir (the light on the horizon is EVERYWHERE)? 

-Who would you most like to read your tarot cards?  Galadriel “(I see things that are, things that were, and some things that have not yet come to pass”) or Bilbo (“This is the most fascinating thing I learned from the elves, let me ponder, hmm”)?  Or Hugo Weaving or Sala?

-Whose self-help book would you most like to read?  Faramir’s “Resisting Rings to find Happiness” or Theodon’s “Getting out of the Ring in your Head”?

 

Feel free to weigh in with votes, other options, or more questions! 

(For example, ones with too many candidates to put here were With whom would you visit the zoo?  Who’d be the best partner in a non-dangerous but tricksy maze?  And so on!)

Fairy Tale Christmas Comforts

The Christmas tide is very near and things may seem very stressful.  That means it is once again time to keep things in perspective by noticing all the ways in which your holiday festivities will probably NOT resemble a fairy tale:

 

1. Even if you don’t get around to sending everyone their Christmas cards, you won’t have to worry about your children being cursed in retaliation.

2. The delivery people for your balls, toys, and treasures will not ask to share your bed as a reward.

3. If, instead of buying, you are spinning raw materials into gifting gold, you can rest assured that even big mistakes or delays will not result in you losing your head. (Or your baby.)

4. Any unwelcome visitors who trick their way into your house will likely settle for Christmas dinner, or perhaps even Christmas cookies, so your flesh is pretty safe.

5. The gingerbread men will not insult anyone.

6. No matter how sick you get of Christmas carols, even the awful ones will not have the power to lure your loved ones away from you.

7. At least you weren’t asked to build a jeweled palace overnight for anyone’s gift.

8. Even if you don’t have someone’s gift ready on time, you will not have to make up for it by giving up “the first thing you see” or “the first one who greets you” upon your arrival home.

9. Even if your family doesn’t allow you to sleep on Christmas Eve, at least you don’t have to face the big day with no sleep AND exhausted feet.

10. Reveling in your new possessions will not land you in hell or cause you to lose control of your limbs, even if those new things are red shoes.

11. No matter how mechanized the new toys are, none of them will carry your children off into the sky (even if you would like them to).

12. Don’t worry if a gift exchange seems uneven-even the presents that seem like small beans can show just how much magic there is in your relationship.

13. Even if you received a living thing, you won’t lose it if you don’t pick out the right name right away.

14. Even if a gift starts to fall apart, just remember: it has no control on anyone in your household’s looks, love, or ability to handle cutlery.

 

Happy 200th anniversary of the Grimms’ Fairy Tales and Merry Christmas!  Just remember, it could be worse-it could be a fairy tale.

There are 14 reasons today because the Grimms’ anniversary demanded 10 all their own, and there were a few non-Grimm fairy tale references I could not resist adding.  25 Points for every fairy tale reference.  55 for every new one added.

Non-Disney Dinner

There are also ample reasons to be thankful life is not really a cartoon or akin to the Disney version of fairy tales as you gather for dinner.

 

These include:

1. No birds put their germ-ridden feet on your pie in order to make the indentations in your delicious crust.

2. You do not have to eat the same piece of food from opposite ends with someone else in order to show you care.

3. No one will put out their cigarettes in your dessert. (Hopefully.)

4. The kitchen appliances and utensils will not complain about what you did or did not eat.

5. The cooks will remember to properly bake their dishes before applying toppings or decorative touches.

6. The seafood will not wander off your plate.

7. No one will serve you food by launching if off their elbow.

8. There will be no grubs.

9. Your dishes will not be the hiding spot of choice for mice.

10. The condiments will be slathered onto food instead of pocket watches.

 

(Seven points for every Disney reference you know.  Fifteen points for any new Disney thanks you have to give.)

Fairy Tale Food for Thanks

Today is a day to be thankful that:

 

1. There is a variety of food instead of simply a house (full) of dessert.

2. The cooks both appreciate and use salt, but it is not the only gift they’re serving.

3. There are enough greens without attempting to steal, beg, or barter them from anyone, let alone a witch.

4. Even if someone did ruin the loaf of bread, or side of potatoes, or pie, no one sunk down through the earth to be tortured as a statue in a realm more creepy than hell.

5. Since the family is gathered around the table, you can be sure that you didn’t accidentally imbibe the flesh of your son, sibling, or other relatives.

6. No matter what path you take to your family’s house, or how many wolfish problems you encounter on the way, there’s now insurance for that.

7. If you find a piece of jewelery in one of the dishes, you won’t have to try it on half the people in the realm before returning it to the right owner.

8. Even ducklings that grew up as just ugly ducks still taste delicious.

9. If a piece of food like apple, poisoned or not, becomes lodged in your throat, odds are someone will know and employ the Heimlich maneuver instead of imprisoning you in a coffin-like display case.

10. No matter how sleepy the meal makes you, you WILL wake up in less than a hundred years.

 

So raise a glass and give thanks that your holidays are not a fairy tale come true!

(Twelve points for every fairy tale reference you know.  Twenty-five points for any more fairy tale thanks left in the comments that fit the theme.)

Happy National Hobbit Day!

I have been reliably informed by hallmark that today is National Hobbit Day!  Therefore, I did my humble best to pay tribute to this momentous work (as well as attempting to act more Hobbitably).

 

Bilbo Baggins meets Thorin at his home of Bagend:

 

Bilbo’s Trolls:

 

The goblin king stands over his hoarde:

 

Riddles in the Dark:

 

Invisible!Bilbo sneaks inside Lonely Mountain:

 

Smaug emerges from Lonely Mountain:

 

(Special guest appearances by Silast as Smaug and Rattafin as Invisible!Bilbo.)

 

 

 

Batman to Joffrey

 

Geekasaurus Rex, mountainduwe: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU— Oh my gods. .

 

From geekasaurus rex and tumblr: the real reason behind Joffrey’s psycho-ness, as foreseen by me in my review: https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/garden-of-bones-got-2×4/!  He knew Christian Bale also starred in American Psycho and thought so long as he did SOMETHING Bale-ish he’d be keeping his promise to Bat-Bale!

“The Big Bang Theory”=”The Little Mermaid”

You know, I just rewatched “The Big Bang Theory” season 5 finale and…from the moment it occurred to me, Bernadette just looked more and more like Ursula from The Little Mermaid as “Vanessa” marrying Prince Eric.  Something about the way she side-eyes everyone or how she looks so smug-although she’s happy for very different reasons here.  In short, “The Big Bang Theory” is now officially a world where Prince Eric marries Ursula, Ariel is perfectly content in her transformation to a “higher plane” and everyone is happy.

Thus, it follows:

Ariel is clearly Amy in this version.  Amy’s vast character development and altered self-image from her introduction to now would be akin, I’m sure in her mind, to emerging from waters where she felt misunderstood and left out to the upper world where things she’s dreamed of happen to her, like sleepovers and being a maid of honor.  Even with Amy’s yen for Sheldon, she clearly values her new self-image as a cool girl in a clique more than him.  Although, her pursuit of Sheldon does mirror Ariel’s determination to snare Eric, making the characters of Amy and Ariel more similar-so, Ariel does want a man, just not the prince.  To cap it off, Amy utters the words, “Please, allow me to continue being part of your world” to Penny in the episode about the chair.

The man this Ariel wants is clearly Grimsby.  Grimsby and Sheldon are both tall, full of advice, talkative, insistent on their personal social rules, and lacking in certain kinds of social grace.  Also, pale and sickly.  Now I’m imagining Ariel chasing Grimsby and him being flustered in a highly Sheldonite way…

Raj is Flounder-the longtime friend full of joy, playfulness (gaming!), loyalty, and innocence.  Only in this version…Flounder is friends with Eric.  Also, his jacket is blue and yellow.

Yes, Howard gets to be the prince.  Let’s face it-Eric is ridiculous!  His only human friends are Grimsby and this washed-up-girl-who-can’t-talk, he’s easily susceptible to suggestion, he clearly likes the rowdy like of a cowboy even though it’s nothing like what he should be up to-just as Howard likes to go out and act the player, when that’s clearly shouldn’t be his thing.  Howard also is incredibly susceptible to any suggestion involving girls, he lives in his own world much of the time, aka the internet, and he does get a lot of social pressure about his different social standing, although in his case it’s his lack of a doctorate and therefore lowered level instead of elevated.   Howard’s magic can be attune to Eric’s flute playing as a random creative hobby.  Eric’s permanent residence in his blood and family inherited castle mirrors Howard’s living at home and depending on his mother.  The Eric part just works for me here, though yes you could argue with ‘prince’.

Penny is clearly the Scuttle of this universe.  The crazy bird (wordplay!) from far-off parts with a more open, wild outlook on life who dazzles others.  Both claim to know about style and romance but obviously make bad choices (remember Scuttle’s attempt at romantic music in the lagoon?).  Both can get very flustered.  But both have big hearts in the right place and will go the distance for a friend.

This leaves Leonard as Sebastian.  This, amazingly, also works well for me!  The worried guy, it is!  That guy who’s obsessed with approval from authority figures (Triton/Leonard’s mom, big diff), who’s constantly trying to check himself to see how he’s doing, who only has one area of expertise (science and music are actually in related fields, guys!), and whose capacity for being emotionally swayed leads them into all KINDS of odd and awkward situations.  Yep, he’s the lobster.

 

As the audience, we are Eric’s dog Max-the only one who always knows what is going on.

This leaves us with: Ariel and Grimsby!  Scuttle and Sebastian! Grimsby facing off against Sebastian and putting him down, but counting on him to side with him against others like Eric and Ursula.  I can see that.  I’m sure there’s more.  But still, the main point is: The Little Mermaid and “The Big Bang Theory”-same folks, happier endings.

Superman Batman A Whole New World

Superman Batman A Whole New World.

This just makes me giggle.

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Similar Posts:

-https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/08/23/the-big-bang-theorythe-little-mermaid/ (Why “The Big Bang Theory” characters are all equal to those of “The Little Mermaid”)

-https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/disney-crossover-compatibility/ (New non-Disney matches for the Disney princesses)

-https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/11/15/lord-of-the-rock-operas/ (Lyrics for when they turn “Lord of the Rings” into a rock opera)

Puppets, Project Runway, and Pictures

This is the part where summer has gone crazy!  During my vacation travels I met a variety of characters, from Queen Elizabeth I: to the Mad Hatter.  I also got to meet many of Jim Hensen’s creations!  Most of them could not be photographed, such as Ernie, Big Bird, Red and Mokey Fraggle, Rowlph the dog, Dr. Teeth ( I saw my reflection in his gold tooth!), Sir Didymous from “Labyrinth”, and the Swedish Chef.  Some, however, were free of that rule!    They all live together, for the moment, at the Center for Puppetry Arts in Atlanta (http://www.puppet.org/).

When I returned home things seemed normal again, but now I find myself entertaining thoughts like:

1. It’s almost 2 in the morning.  Time to do laundry!

2. There is a raccoon charging down the sidewalk, straight at me.  What do I do in this situation!?

3. Mondo, the winner of Project Runway All Stars, is clearly the Rumpelstiltskin of the fashion world.  Only, in his version of the story, he was forced to feel that if he kept spinning straw materials into golden garments, he would have to revert to being emotionally, a baby.  Then, when they called his name at the end, as the winner of Project Runway All Stars, the prize rejuvenated him back into being an emotionally-adjusted man.  I find this an interesting take on the tale, actually.  A lot of things make more sense when the imp’s spinning has more to do with his own issues instead of the pitiful gold trinkets, or the distress of a random stranger.  The thought of the baby being an aspect of Rumpelstiltskin that needs to be found or done away with makes me like that story better.  Huh.

Night Rhymes

There’s a reason I’m awake right now:

 

 

 

There was a giant bug

That gave me a giant scare.

Its giant body skittered,

Its redness made me stare.

 

 

 

I wanted it to die,

So I whacked it with a broom.

Then I drowned it in the toilet,

So it’s all gone from the room.

 

 

 

Straight from savage killing to sleep isn’t working for me.  However, I haven’t given up hope-nursery rhymes are often read before sleeping.  Fortunately, I’m not alone, someone else I know is also up tonight:

 

 

 

There was a crazy man

Who liked some blazin’ wings.

The challenge gave him six minutes

To devour those 12 things.

 

 

 

He won the challenge fair,

Through burns and snot and all.

But now he’s burning somewhere else

That’ll keep him in the stall.

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