Top Ten Characters Who Should Get Their Own Books

This is a rendition of Top Ten Tuesday by the thebrokeandthebookish.wordpress.com. This week was the top 10 characters we’d like to receive their own books. This was rather tricky as a lot of the books I love, I love because of the protagonist and even when I want there to be more, I want to keep that perspective. Alternatively, there are some books that I would greatly prefer to be rewritten from someone else’s point of view, but that seemed like a separate issue. So, here’s what I’ve got:

Top Ten Characters Who Should Get Their Own Books

1. Lord Akeldama from The Parasol Protectorate Series by Gail Carriger
(Review of first here: https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2014/06/17/soulless-the-parasol-protectorate-series-1/)
-He’s just so charismatic I don’t care what the book’s about.

2. Madame Lefoux from The Parasol Protectorate Series by Gail Carriger
-I imagine this as her tween/adolescent years where she’s becoming shocking instead of already established, encountering loves, criticizing everyone’s fashion sense, tinkering with everything and getting into lots of trouble, and obviously messing with local hives.

3. Lord Calliston from Incarceron/Sapphique by Catherine Fisher
-I long for this prequel with the creators and first recorders of the prison.

4. The Persian from The Phantom of the Opera by Gason Leroux
-How he got mixed up with the sultan, how he befriended the Phantom, what he got up to after the Phantom…anything.

5. Minerva McGonagall from Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
-Of her youth, of course. I imagine it would be a combination of a Miss Marple in-the-making and Harriet the Spy, only one who can get her spy equipment to do things separately, can partially transform her self into what she needs, will fly her broomstick all over getting into the thick and the mess of things, and who always, always, always speaks up, even when she shouldn’t. Now am imagining her meeting a young Sherlock Holmes and how he would deduce that she was a witch and she would make his life miserable for being so uppity, and he would try and steal her broomstick, and she would convince his parents he was going peculiar in the head, and then they’d take him to psychiatrists who put him on awful didn’t-know-they-sucked drugs to prevent it, and THAT’S HOW HE GETS HOOKED ON DRUGS. Every so often she checked in on him because the older-self Minerva felt kinda guilty, but then the Dark Lord popped up and when she remembered him then it was really just to make snarky comments about how much easier he had it with his nemesis. Okay, this is head-cannon now.

6.Saf from Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore
(Review here: https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/05/20/bitterblue/)
-He has the best grace and I want tales of him traipsing around and using it.

7. Dame Okra Carmine from Seraphina by Rachel Hartman
-She’s so feisty, and had to have had so much trouble covering up her condition, and has such an interesting talent, and somehow became ambassador! I want to know!

8. Maddie from Fever by Lauren DeStefano
-I love her and want her to control the new world and I need to know how she’s doing and that she’s totally going to grow up and achieve a leadership role and make everything better.

9. Bramble from Entwined by Heather Dixon
kn_12dancing
-I want her to go around detecting nefariousness and protecting the weak with her husband’s support and money, and to burst in on all her sisters and their marriage prospects, etc. It’d be nice to get inside her head.

10. Felix from Frederica by Georgette Heyer
-Can you imagine the story of his scandals-come-apprenticeship in early technology and how he falls for the geeky aerator girl and winds up crashed with her and nothing but a jar of restorative pork jelly and the weird science metaphors he’ll use about his feelings, and how the girl’s father will judge him but then be won over and secretly helpful? It would be great.

How about you? Which characters do you want more of? Would you read the Minerva/Sherlock crossover? If Saf used his grace on you what would you want out of it?

Elijah Wood on Classy

This photo from the September issue of Vogue is marvelous!  It purports to be from a movie concerning Henry James and Edith Wharton, but it’s clear what is really happening here.  These guys got together over their insistence that the new version of “classiness” has existed in all classes in the past and decided to get a custom photo done for that purpose, as preparation for launching their acapella quartet called “Class Half  Full”.  Their signature thing is that every song intro involves these puppies barking: their names are Camella and Maximillien.  However, as they were setting up a “bypasser” named Dominic Monaghan informed Elijah that it wasn’t classy to just leave a middle button undone like that.  Elijah was not amused, especially as Dom was wearing his leather cuffs, rainbow-painted nails, and scruffiest outfit for the day.  Also, his trademark smirk.  Elijah here is about to respond with an incredulous, scornful remark.  The guy on the far right is also insulted and ready to back Elijah up.  The guy on the far left just wants to get the picture taken so he can go home and figure out if it’s still worth it to go into the band with these rowdy guys, who might actually be nothing but riffraff.  The girl is enjoying the spectacle and getting a tad turned on.  By the end of this incident, there will be naked mud wrestling.  Maybe even in a classy way.

Dom+Billy

This poem about Billy Boyd (Pippin) by Dominic Monaghan (Merry) is the fulfillment of everything I think of them in my dreams, all the loveliness that can be put in a simple poem, the bromance of the century, and it’s a genuine statement about the human condition.  Dom, my hat is off to you!  *sigh of contentment*

In honor of this, I revisit an old Dom/Billy fanfic:

“Euphoria”

He watches him, and keeps his face devoid of expression because he’s just figured out something. Something about him. It had been years since he’d first caught sight of his fascination, his intrigue. And now, sitting in a coffeeshop laughing over drinks and distorted dreams, he’s finally beginning to understand. He’s always known there was something different about the man, something special, but he’d never been able to discern just what about him it was. He’s come close before, but tonight is the first time he actually gets it. He’s found the clue. The clue is simply this: Dom coaxes people into laughing. He doesn’t trick, or surprise anyone into it with witty dialogue like Ian. He doesn’t beguile it with eagerness like Orlando, or summon mirth like Viggo’s bouts of insanity. The others cause laughter naturally, through their clumsiness, their absurdities, their shrewdness. Dom’s levity is earned. To most of them, laughter is an echo of their own perceptions, an affirmation of their own personalities. But to Dom it means more. To Dom, it’s all about the company. If you were laughing with Dom, it meant that he was thinking about you. That was the great secret. He understands people by what makes them laugh. When he was with Dom, he was always laughing.

His thoughts collide with the eye contact, and Billy becomes suddenly and acutely aware that he has no idea what words have just been spoken. But even without knowing, he recognizes the look on Dom’s face. It’s the look of expectation he wears when Billy’s about to laugh so hard he can’t stop until his noggin’s been badly damaged by coming in contact with something hard. But now Billy sees more then the threat, he sees the concentration. The unconscious and unwavering focus, on him. Billy throws his head back, and laughs.

Dom watches from across the table, and listens. He doesn’t know why Billy didn’t hear him. He doesn’t know what prompted the visual examination. But he does know the sound of euphoria when he hears it. And when he hears it from Billy, he falls in love all over again. Someday, he’ll have the courage to do something about it.

The table falls silent, and the two men finish their drinks.

Tell a Story Day Madness

In the U.S., today is National Tell a Story Day. (http://www.altiusdirectory.com/Society/national-tell-story-day.html)  In honor of this, I present a Disney Fanfic inspired by rewatching Aladdin last night:   “Real Magic Issues”

Fax to F.T. Agency:

Thank you for your interest, but at this point we have no plans to replace the role of our Fairy Godmothers.  Rest assured that your agency’s contact information is on file.  If this ever does come under consideration, we will contact you.  Please do not send us any more applications.  Thank you.

Signed,

John “Honest” Foxx

-President of Fairy Tale Supervisors, Disney Movies, Inc.

Email to J. H. Foxx:

I appreciate that your corporation is not currently accepting applications, but the situation is urgent.  You must see that magically granting a girl fancy dress wear and a temporary coach when what she clearly needs is to discuss and work through her childhood family issues, represents a lack of comprehension and efficiency that borders on the disastrous!  If you wish your heroines to achieve true happy endings, you must admit that the services of our Fairy Therapists Agency has become essential.  No offense to your currently employed Fairy Godmothers and their stand-ins, but they don’t seem to grasp the intricacies of the heroine (or hero) psyche.  I ask you to please, for the sake of your protagonists, to reconsider our services.

Sincerely,

Magda W. Potts

-Owner of F.T.A. (Fairy Therapists Agency): “Real Magic Doesn’t Create Fantasies, it Dispels Problems from Reality.”

Email to Mrs. M. Potts:

According to our storylines, all our protagonists already have their happy endings!  Our customer records bear out that the interventions by our Fairy Godmothers, and their stand-ins, produce satisfying stories with endings that are both good and believable to our viewers.  Consider this the response to your begged for reconsideration.

Signed,

President Foxx

-President of Fairy Tale Supervisors, Disney Movies, Inc.

Transcription of Phone Conversation:

J.F.: Hello?

M.P.: It’s Magda Potts.  Honestly, John!  I consider it the height of rudeness that you blocked my recent emails.  I think it’s time you began working through some of your control issues.

J.F.: I’ll thank you not to analyze me, Mrs. Potts!  And furthermore-

M.P.: I don’t wish to analyze you; I wish to help your fairy tale characters.

J.F. (gritted teeth): They don’t. need. Your help.

M.P.: Oh, come now!  Just last night I reviewed the story whose hero gets it into his head that he’s nothing without owning a magic genie!  Clearly, he’s not thinking logically at this point.  If he wants to keep the genie, he will never be able to make another wish-thus making owning such a genie utterly useless!  If he actually utilizes this wish in order to accomplish something during the sultanship which he so fears, than he will no longer own the genie.  It’s only a matter of time!  And the genie, for all his brilliance, simply does not know how to handle this kind of mental struggle.  In fact, he exacerbates it!  Now, if you’d just let one of my Fairy Therapists in, I’m sure Aladdin could have been convinced of the irrationality of his thinking.  If he could even be persuaded to talk to Jasmine about his fear of become sultan in the future, instead of constantly focusing on his past, things might have been resolved.  After all, Jasmine could easily rule the country and all Aladdin would have to worry about is being a figure head and a good husband for her.

J.F.: If you remember, Mrs. Potts, that story does achieve resolution.

M.P.: Ah, but if I remember correctly, that poor boy’s fear of ruling is never actually addressed.

J.F.: *audible sigh*

M.P.: Moreover, my assistant has just been telling me about Tangled

J.F.: *resigned*Yes, I’m sure.

M.P.: You must realize the mental agony that girl goes through for most of the movie!  You even show a lot of it right after Rapunzel exits the tower for the first time!  So much anguish and guilt about her perceived mother!  Not to mention the other issues that crop up by the end of that fiasco.  If you’d let her have access to us, to work through what her hair symbolizes to her-“

J.F.: Magda, her hair is magic!

M.P.: Yes, but it also holds so much more.  Her connection to her real mother, her false mother-

J.F.: MAGIC is what our viewers want to see!  Not just some talk about feelings!

M.P.: JUST talk??  How do you expect that girl to get her happy ending without “just some talk” about all she’s been through??  I guarantee, without a proper Fairy Therapist she’ll wind up having a nervous breakdown, living back at the palace or not!  You can see for yourself in Sondheim’s “Into the Woods.”

J.F.: Will people shut up about Sondheim?  Our leads are treated just as humanely as they are!  More so!

M.P.: Forcing them to ignore the ugly issues they’ve been through is not humane!  It’ll only make them worse, in the end.

J.F.: Oh, and I suppose Aurora should have ended with her in one of your offices talking about the sudden pressures of palace life?

M.P.: *muttering under breath* Please don’t make that one of your ridiculous sequels.  *normal voice* Certainly not!  That ending is a favorite.  There should have been one of our members amongst her fairy keepers-or at least you should have allowed us to offer them some training!  I have a high respect for Flora, Fauna, and Merriwether-why, I play bridge with them every week!-but they really handled Aurora’s transition very badly.  The poor girl’s breaking down about a significant change in her life, and her love, and what do they do?  Magic her a golden crown.  A crown, for crying out loud!

J.F.: You are aware, I suppose, that your agency has already sent us detailed lists of these analyses and complaints for all of our films?

M.P.: Of course, but I have to assume you haven’t read them.  Anyone who cared a jot for their characters would have already taken us on after reading those reports.

J.F.:…I now see the confusion, Mrs. Potts.  I am in show business.  I show my heroes and heroines that an actor’s life for them can be highly rewarding.  What happens after my shows…well, they chose to be here, they might as well be firewood for all I care!

M.P. *long pause*  Thank you for being honest, John.  Then it shouldn’t bother you to add a clause in your contract that all leading characters must visit our agency at the end of your filming?

J.F.: It it’ll keep me from hearing from you again, Mrs. Potts, it will be well worth it.  I’ll make it a requirement for all movie protagonists, past, present, and future, shall I?

M.P.: Be my guest.

*click*

John “Honest” Foxx: “Must’ve kept her so angry she still hasn’t seen the new television show.”  Evil smile.  “Now, those are the people who really need therapy.”