Once Upon a Time 2×14 “Manhattan”

I may be the only one, but…I am disappoint.  SPOILERS:

 

1. As soon as you reveal Neil as Baelfire, than all the other relationships and interactions become Extremely Predictable.  I am not in this for extremely predictable things.

2. They have yet to even TRY to explain how the hell he’s still just that age.  No one is allowed to talk about time differences at this point: time froze for 28 years in Storybrooke and FairyTale Land, when Emma and Snow went through the portal time was parallel, there were even exact hour arrangements for people meeting in dreamland proving that time moves the same in both worlds.  Aside from all that, Baelfire would have been out growing older with Emma for those 28 years everyone else was froze, so by now he should technically be almost as old as Rumpelstiltskin at the very least.  They’re not even trying.  This bothers me enormously.

3. I honestly thought that after all those years Rumpelstiltskin would have had a better pitch.  I find it rather ridiculous and out of character that he did not.

4. Hook is now officially reduced the the 10-year-old brat living inside him.  He sounds exactly like a kid in a long car trip about finding Rumpel to “get his revenge”.  Besides, he already DID get the ultimate revenge with Belle already, so just *sigh*.  I kindof hope he’s dead, just because he got that level of irritating and I don’t care to see him trying to redeem himself in any way.  Or find out what other bad lines the writers have in store for him.

5. The Seer said Rumpelstiltskin’s actions “on the battlefield” would leave his son fatherless.  From what I saw, Rumplestiltskin never made it to the battlefield.  I suppose you could generally call “the front” where they’re camping a field, but…unless there’s actually been a battle there sometime that’s not the battlefield.  The Seer lied.

6. If the Seer had just given Rumple all her foresight than how could she give him that one last insight out of gratitude?  Perhaps she remembered…but then why the drama with the hand still?  Just habit or what?  Didn’t quite add up.

7. Saying that the young boy will be Rumplestiltskin’s “undoing” just tells me that Henry will be the instrument of making him not the Dark One.  Furthermore, Cora’s storyline is bringing Henry fully into Gold’s fate, no matter what he does.  So…really there’s two ways to look at that-either it’s not new information because we already know how Cora’s using him, or it’s too much information that will make other things as Extremely Predictable as this episode.  Neither is something I’m happy with.

8. Yes, the acting was good.  I am criticizing the storyline and the plot, not the actors.

Once Upon a Time 2×11 and 2×12

SPOILERS AHEAD

2×11 “The Outsider”

1. If Hook had any intelligence at all, he would have realized Belle was important to Rumpelstiltskin after Regina stopped him killing her in Fairy Tale Land.  This could well be the case, but I’m trying to give this character the best chance I can, so let’s say he can put two and two together.  Ergo, he found out about the shawl from Archie, not Belle.  In that case: how does Archie know?  We never see Mr. Gold going to counseling.  Once Hook has it, why doesn’t he burn it or tear it or something?  Much more sure than just luring him after it.  Is his whole plan just to lure Gold there so he can alienate his girl by killing him?  That seems more calculated than Hook is capable of, and also not particularly satisfying to Hook as he wouldn’t get to see Rumpelstiltskin being in pain.  This whole thing with the shawl is just strange when he stashed it somewhere but didn’t do anything to harm it.

2. Why is there not something somewhere to indicate that Hook had to learn what cars are?  My first thought at the end was, “Of course Hook gets it-he doesn’t know about cars.”  Yet clearly he followed Gold and Belle in their car.  It still makes sense he’d be less aware of the car sounds that mean danger and thus get hit, but the point is: Hook should be in a totally foreign land and we’ve seen him being nothing but totally self-assured.  I have a problem with this.

3. Belle escapes from Hook by going into….the elevator.  Granted, the mechanisms in that building look whackadoo, but are we really supposed to believe a pirate can’t turn the knobs and figure it out?  He did just see her do it, after all.  The most obvious answer is that we find out Hook just wanted a diversion, not to get to Belle, but still-how did Belle and Gold fall for that?

4. Speaking of Hook’s strange behavior at the library, why in the hell would he need a random rope knot there?  Did he just drop it as a clue?  I mean, really.

5. Most importantly, as I’ve been saying since season one: RUMPLESTILTSKIN, OF ALL PEOPLE, SHOULD HAVE ALL KINDS OF SECURITY ON HIS SHOP.  I do not understand this lack of security-he knows he’s got a lot of people’s valuable things, he knows the people have now remembered the things they want, he knows he has enemies, he has magic, HOW DOES HE NOT PUT MAGICAL SECURITY ON HIS GODDAMN SHOP?  This will never stop vexing me.

6. Why didn’t Philip write in other languages, too?  He’s a prince, he probably learned more than one.  The language of the realm you’re in is an excellent place to start, but if that doesn’t work, why not try others?

7. The ending was wonderful and did manage to save this overall sloppy and vexing episode.  Let’s face it-that ending was awesome.

2×12, “In the Name of the Brother”

1. The dilemma of whether or not to let stranger die makes no sense.  In their very first look at the cell phone, they say that if people don’t hear from him they’ll come looking.  If they let the guy die then not only will people come to Storybrooke, they’ll come already armed with lawyers, coroners, and police.  This is far from the solution to everyone’s problems.  Make sense, please.

2. You’d think with Emma’s experience with the law she’d be better at playing sheriff.

3. Rumplestiltskin is doing everything I expect him to do.  Trying to cure her with true love’s kiss, check.  Trying to convince her even when he shouldn’t, check.  Managing to make the cup a talisman raises questions as last episode he claimed he didn’t have enough potion to enchant anything after the shawl and therefore she couldn’t come.  The shawl’s been enchanted and hey, presto-he’s made some more.  Clearly, he just didn’t really want Belle to come along or else didn’t care enough about it before to wait, or else he could’ve just stayed the extra, what-day?  And made Belle her talisman before.  This is a fly in the ambrosia of their love story. (In my head the real answer is that he feels it’d be unfair to her and that it will go better if he shows up alone instead of with a for all intents and purposes stepmother, but still.  Don’t lie about it, just say that.)

4. Belle’s behavior does not sit well with me.  If she doesn’t remember Gold at all, than she must only remember the asylum.  If she only remembers the asylum, how the hell would she know if castles and magic are crazy or not?  She shouldn’t.  Someone telling her she was someplace she couldn’t remember would still be freaky, particularly with a gunshot wound and no memory of how she came to be in that circumstance, but she shouldn’t be sitting there telling him magical things are crazy.  Get away from her-yes, magic isn’t real-no.  Moreover, we saw her being rescued by a genuinely crazy and creepy-talking man: Jefferson.  She was far from freaked out at him.  Thus, even Belle’s awareness of creepy guys should not be this high.  Again, some yes, with the gunshot wound and outside of the place she remembers.  But they had her talking like someone with memories of a normal Maine life, and she. is. not.  (By the way, this is not to be construed as me being angry at her for putting Gold off or breaking the cup, because even without specifically knowing magic is bad and having lowered creep awareness, that could well have happened.  I am upset at the writers for making Belle’s behavior inconsistent with their own story.)

5. Again, Ruby rocks, saves the day, and should always be in charge.

6. Why is no one concerned with Dr. Whale operating when he’s drunk?  This just doesn’t seem to be a thing?

7.  I do admire Cora.  Wish there’d been more explanation of the globe, however.  Also, it does not vex me that she managed to get into Rumple’s, hopefully at least by now, MAGICALLY SECURED shop.  She’s the Queen of Hearts.

8. It makes total sense to me that Gold wants Emma with him.  This is no longer going to be the long-as-it-takes, reunion with his son that he planned.  Gold wants to get back to Belle as soon as possible, making this a fetching trip.  Gold no longer has time to accustom himself to the outside world, it’ll go faster with someone who knows it.  Moreover, he doesn’t know if Bae will want to see him, let alone want to come back to Storybrooke with him, and having someone along with him will help Gold control his urges and get his son to come back without alienating him too much.  Or at least, the chances would be better in Gold’s head.  Moreover, Emma reunited with her son after years apart and therefore should have more sympathy for him and his quest than the others.

All in all, a much better episode.  I am excited to see what comes next!

Once Upon a Time 2×7 “Child of the Moon”

Huzzah for Ruby!  Why is she not central to more episodes?
Spoilers:

 

On King David: I don’t know what to do with him.  It seems he is trying to compete with the likes of Lord Voldemort in convoluted plans, but he’s not great with them.  He could’ve just started with burning the hat.  If all you need is a diversion, you don’t have to murder and frame people.  (Speaking of which, does Charming not do ANYTHING for himself?  Keep an eye on your damn hat, dude.)  He could’ve gone after Henry-I’m guessing the reason he didn’t is because Regina’s protecting him.  Perhaps he really just loves efficiently and is going all-out in this one plan to take care of shepherds, werewolves, and mice in one fell swoop.  He always did have issues with anything that was sortof a different species.  If that’s the case…okay, but you’ve got too much time on your hands, dude.  Also, how did you call up a mob so quickly?  I mean, wouldn’t people frightened enough to lynch a person want them to stay locked up until after they weren’t-ya know-A WOLF anymore and then kill the much-more-easily-lynched girl?  Either David is really good at whipping up mobs or these people all owe him something-perhaps subjects he was good to or that worked with him as the attorney general.  It’s true that he’s good at getting Charming to express his hubris.  Maybe he is good at psychology?  I dunno, in that case I’d expect him to make me care about him more.  I just can’t get worked up about a the man.

 

On Ruby: Love her  more, as always!  The backstory did seem rather cliched, but they did it well and it made her Storybrooke persona’s paralyzing self-doubt much more grave and meaningful.  Also, it solidifies her ties with Snow, which will hopefully mean that Ruby will in fact finally get a large say in running the world once people are back together.  She had lines in here that could’ve been super cheesy and Ruby delivered them so well that they only evoked emotion and understanding.  Plus, she is standing up for all the liberal, boundary-crossing, not speciest beliefs that King David is spiting, making her ultimate foiling of David’s scheme a highly political and poignant moment.

 

On Gus: First, I LOVE that the mouse asked the wolf out on a date.  Second, I’m not sure how it makes sense that he was a truck guy in this world.  Third, he was really cute!  Fourth, I really wish King George had used an accomplice named Luke (short for Lucifer) who used to be Cinderella’s stepmom’s cat to actually kill him.  We would have had Lucifer, the convoluted part of the plan would have actually made sense if George was working with someone else who had to be made happy too, and then perhaps Bruno could’ve come forth and been made deputy sheriff.  Bruno would make an awesome sheriff or deputy.  Also, just how anthropomorphized did animals have to be to become humans in this world?  If all the talking animals were made human, surely the town should be bigger.  Fifth, shouldn’t Cinderella or Jack or someone showed up when Gus got killed?

 

On Anita: I am impressed how much you look like your TV-wolf-daughter.  You could’ve looked a little less maniacal in the beginning, though, so that when you got all speciest it would be more surprising.

 

On Snow: Again with the wearing the white when you need to be able to hide in the woods!  Also, how did you get free after Red attacked her mom?  I didn’t see anyone untie you.

 

On Snow White and Rose Red: I really wanted there to be a bear.  It was wolves this time and that’s good, too, but come on, show: a bear who turns into a love interest should come into the mix aaaanytime now.  You don’t even need a pesky dwarf who put a spell on the guy, you’ve got Gold and he would be perfect for that!  Absolutely no excuse for this tale not to happen-I know you know it.  Get on that!

 

On the FTL part: Like I said, Emma, if you’re going to lose Hook you should’ve got intel on where Cora’s at.  What kind of a head start can you possibly have when he knows where he’s going and you don’t?  Well, the nightmare got cleared up much sooner than I thought.  That’s good, although one wonders why all these people who’ve been under the sleeping curse don’t wake up totally burned.  I can only assume that when actually under the curse the dreams are person-specific and it’s just the aftermath where it’s this particular place.  Still, though-why isn’t Aurora getting burned?

 

On the fairy dust: Did it bother anyone else that there was absolutely no mention of: And now we can restore Sneezy!  Yay!???  Because there SHOULD HAVE BEEN.  It makes me dislike people.

 

Overall: Much better than last week, guys.  Let’s keep the spiral going up.

 

Once Upon a Time 2×6 “Tallahasee”

Otherwise known as “We’re Bringing Flashbacks Back!”

Spoilers:

To Whom It May Concern,

I have some notes.

First, if Neal turns out to be Baelfire I will have to stop watching.  Granted, if Baelfire turns out to be anyone without a decent reason for staying young for hundreds of years, I will have to stop watching.  I do not understand all these people claiming time can move differently-the curse happened, time froze for 28 years in both Fairy Tale Land and Storybrooke.  Ergo, time moves the same.  Also, magic beans claim to be world jumping, not time jumping.  Otherwise we’d have to worry about syncing up with Hook’s Neverland time, etc., and that’s just not going to fly.  Also, the world jumping power of wood, said to work like the beans, spat Emma and Pinocchio out at the same time, Emma came out after the same number of minutes that had passed since Pinocchio went through the wardrobe, etc.  As far as I can tell, there’s lots of evidence to say that time moves the same in Fairy Tale Land-which is also physically UNDER Storybrooke, making it harder to defy laws of space and time, and absolutely no evidence that time might move differently between them.  Acceptable solutions from Baelfire still being alive are: Rumple, with the Dark One’s power over time, charmed his son to stay forever young, Baelfire became a Lost Boy and therefore did not grow up (most advisable, seeing as it will give Hook interesting leverage with Rumple and make that plotline thicker), or Baelfire came across another world-traveler like the Wizard of Oz and got something to keep him going.

Second, I’m impressed August actually did manage to track her down in those circumstances.  I’m sticking with my idea that there’s a connection between August, Neal, and Pleasure Island, and that the box held some magical proof August had been there.  If Neal had been there too he would recognize it and be forced to admit that yes, he had experienced magic.  Alternatively, the White Rabbit possibility has gained watches.  Perhaps August came across something Wonderlandish somehow.  About how he sent Neal the postcard-I feel the show covered this.  August explained he needed magic because he was turning into wood.  Ergo, when magic returned, it made Pinocchio’s woodiness no longer a problem and he could therefore send postcards.  On the issue of August’s high-handedness, well-Pinocchio was never very smart, was he?  It’s true that if Emma was happy in the real world she probably wouldn’t want or need to go looking for another, more magical one.  The end.

 

Third, the writers put no thought whatsoever into that giant story.

1.Turning Jack and the Beanstalk  into Jack the Giant Killer is simply switching tales.

2. Indicating that wars happen with one totally good side and one totally bad one is always overly simplistic, and the details of this one make it absurd.  The giants did have the magic beans, and they do have a lot of treasure.  Are we to not believe they were plundering the worlds?  Perhaps they did it peacefully, perhaps they considered it their right, perhaps they had legal trading rights, but surely they were gathering wealth from the worlds.  Sure, this means FTL probably fought them in order to get the treasure more than anything else, but then-that’s the giants’ motivation too, right?

3. Also, why would the humans want the beans destroyed?  Any way you look at it, that makes no sense.  All around more likely that the giants did destroy them themselves when they were losing-in a just war or not.  Also, they’d be the ones who’d know how to make the beans non-functional but still present.

4. Speaking of which, there’s a way to make the beans non-functional even though they’re physically present?  Those things make less sense all the time.

5.How does giant Hurley eat?  There didn’t seem to be any livestock or agriculture up there, he doesn’t seem like a cooking type, and he doesn’t even have beans anymore.  Does he just spout the magic number and it sustains his life?

6.The cage with the trip wire was giant-sized.  Were there other giants who tried to get Hurley’s treasure back in the day?

7. In what world is it believable that the cage could hold down giant Hurley?  That whole section was ridiculous-the giant had no reason to be afraid or or talk to Emma other than to move the story along.

8. Emma couldn’t ask Mulan how long the poppy powder would keep the giant out?

9. Hurley just left the body of Jack the Giant Killer in the middle of his house until it turned into a skeleton?  If Hurley’d even eaten Jack he wouldn’t still have held his sword like that.  Is that a reminder that humans are killers?  If so, why do you also need to wear a bean-that’s the best reminder right there.  Also, why in the middle of the floor?  Do you never actually look through your treasure?

10. Engraving sword blades is reserved for the name of the SWORD, notes about what the sword entitles its owner to do, and possibly a riddle or instruction.  That is it.  It is NOT for engraving the name of the sword’s wielder.  That’s just ridiculous.  Granted, Jack could’ve  named his blade Jack, but that indicates that he’s vain, unimaginative, and/or extremely fond of bad wordplay jokes.  None of those options make me like this guy no matter what the real story of the Giant wars was.  Am glad he’s dead.

11. Not to mention, leaving sharp, bloodless blades (in spite of the fact it was still held by the skeleton of a long dead man and apparently not moved-perhaps Hurley got Jack cause the vain idiot just had to clean his sword?  Fits the character of someone who’d engrave their own name like that.) lying around in the middle of your room, does leave you somewhat open to attacks by said blades.  Giant Hurley should probably just wake up.  Or maybe get that kraken pet to keep him on his toes.

12. How do people know what these giants have in their collection if everybody’s dead or a ridiculous giant living alone and barely speaking, therefore not spreading rumors about their stash?

I can’t talk about that anymore.  Let’s move on to Hook.

1. You can’t simultaneously sell a character on being a charming rake AND an anguished bereft lover at the same time.  You can arc from one to the other in an actual story, but you can’t just take the same guy and switch him back and forth.  No.

2. He is the most inefficient person yet.  We want the giant out-hey, I’ll yell at him and hope you have decent aim, assuming he bends over enough for you to conceivably hit him in the face with that magic!  We need to find the compass before the giant wakes up-perfect time to meander about, daydream over random gold, and hit on the girl!  THAT’S the guy you want on your team.  Yep.

3. Guy does not have a decent pickup line in him.

4. I really believe he’s just there so the writers can force him to say more painfully shoehorned references like “Tick-tock.”

5. If he heard Emma’s negotiating with the giant, which he seems to seeing as he’s complimenting her on it as she pulls him from the rocks, then how did he miss her arrangements with Hurley over him?  It’s not like they were whispering.

6. Also, Emma?  Ever heard of keeping your enemies closer?  I’m pretty sure that’d be a good idea here.  Also, he’s the one who knows where Cora is and all-that could be pertinent information that I didn’t see anyone prise out of him.  Plus, what’s your obsession with 10 hours?  Couldn’t make it 12 or like, a day?

Oh, and about this compass:

1. Since when do you need that to find worlds?  Bae didn’t need it, Hook didn’t need it before….this is very confusing and inconsistent.

2. I am disappointed by the lack of Pirates of the Caribbean.  Perhaps Hook will fall down the beanstalk and start moving like Captain Jack Sparrow.  Best possible thing that could happen to the character all around, really.

On Aurora and Henry’s nightmare: well done, the best thing this episode.  There are too many wonderful possibilities to expound on here.  Just don’t let me down.

That is all.

Signed,

wheresmytower

Once Upon a Time “The Crocodile”

Otherwise known as “Women Will Leave You.”

 

SPOILERS:

 

1.What on earth are the information channels around here?  How the hell does Hook know about Neverland? Did he hang out with Jefferson a lot?  Are there like owls that go between the worlds as well as around Hogwarts?  Did Hook come from there and is an ex-Peter Pan type and that’ll be the crux of the war between him and whoever Peter Pan is?  How does he contact Cora in probable-Wonderland or FTL?  How is this working?

 

2. Also, how do these magic beans work, exactly?  There’s no incantation or anything-are they psychic?  Hook thought ‘Neverland’ whereas Bae thought ‘land without magic’, so that’s where they wound up?  Cause in that case it’s no wonder they’re so rare, they have to be bred for telepathy AND world-traveling.  There must be a better system.

 

3. Smee looks exactly like himself.  Kudos for that.

 

4. So, Belle apparently knows Grumpy, who worked in mines or hid in cabins in the woods all his life, but she doesn’t appear to know anyone else from FTL who’s not Rumple or her dad?  How the hell would she know any dwarves????  *logic fail*

 

5. We have yet more evidence that the leader really worth the salt is Ruby.  Always listen to Ruby!

 

6. If your find spell only works on things that belonged to other people, then you probably should’ve given Belle a present, dude.  I would expect you to have covered your bases in this matter.

 

7. Surely with all the panic someone should’ve thought of guarding the mine shafts that go out of town, too?  That sounds right up Grumpy’s street, and he is after all the guy who began working on this problem.  It’s unbelievable he of all people wouldn’t have caught the passages in the MINE.  If Ruby was in charge I bet she would’ve thought of that.  Speaking of which, I didn’t notice anyone setting up any guards about that STILL after what happened in this episode.  Charming, you’re still failing.

 

8. This episode is the epitome of what I’ve long thought is this show’s main problem: they’re trying to write a lot of strong female characters without being sure about what that actually means.  Take Belle-she’s supposed to be strong in her emotional capabilities and her courage for loving a monster.  This started well last season, but this episode it fell apart.  Why?  Because they thought her just walking out on him would be the stronger move, even though the speech they had her deliver was more of a warning and should’ve just been the precursor for her venturing forth to think and give him space to reflect on her ultimatum.  From that point the episode could’ve gone the same, but no-her just leaving seemed like the ‘strong female’ thing to the writers, so they made that illogical decision.  Then every word she spoke to her dad made her sound like a teenager because they thought her insisting on her rights and independence without explaining anything would make a stronger statement than just telling him things.  Then after the mine ride, she had the weakest lines ever.  Now, it does totally make sense to me that at this point Belle is just done and needs everyone to back off.  After all, she didn’t sleep well, she faced the fact she might have to leave her love for the second time, she began to realize how much she’d missed out on by being shut out of the real world, she got kidnapped, she reunited with a dad who TRIED TO DESTROY HER MIND.  Being saved by the guy she’s thinkign of leaving would only be more confusing, and in any case half of that would be enough to say Just Get Away Everyone.  That lesser statement giving her time to think would have been totally logical and made her new dating thing with Rumple less wishy-washy.  But the writers thought that for Belle to be strong she had to make a “never see again” statement instead, because their ‘strong’=’shows total conviction in what she’s doing even if it’s wrong’, so they made her make less sense and ultimately seem weaker.  I could go on about how similar misunderstandings of  how to write strong female characters have plagued the other women in this show, but let’s just leave it at this most enormous mess, shall we?

 

9. I’m pretty sure Hook’s name is James.

 

10. I’m pretty sure Belle should’ve showed some kind of horror/shock/SOMETHING in response to Rumple admitting he was behind the fucking curse, not really Regina.  Is the show just assuming this is common knowledge to characters just cause we know it?  Cause it’s not.  And I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t react like that, even Belle.  Man, does that girl have a rotten life.  With that dad at home, betrothed to guy she didn’t like, prisoner of Rumple’s is still a prisoner and slave even if she did fall for him, in a mental institution, let out with no knowledge of the world or the food that is here…..where the hell is Archie Jiminy Cricket???  If anyone needs him, it’s her.

‘Once Upon a Time’ Finale A Land without Magic (Spoilers)

The finale, A Land Without Magic, far exceeded my expectations!  That could be because the characters I like were more central and those I dislike were abed.

I am fondest of this show when they reference what Disney does best-the classics.  They did that tonight with Maleficent’s dragon.  The same postures, the same cliff, the same method of defeat…aaah.  That was lovely.  However, the rule is that Maleficent is not allowed to die.  I feel much more strongly about this than I do about Henry or August.  Also, the hiding from the beast behind pillars like that reminded me of Frodo and the Cave Troll.  Emma should really look into mithrill.

Who’d have thought?  Emma finally believes and to achieve her ends she’s working with…Regina.  Not her parents.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not surprised the writers want the summer to figure out how to write a reunion between a child and parents who are all the same age.  After all, this is Disney here.  But no, she goes STRAIGHT into deals and trust with the Evil Queen who she finally believes cursed everyone and tried to put her to sleep with the famous enchanted apple.  More surprising, I think this episode went fast enough that it actually WORKED.  It conveyed desperation and that Emma was so focused on this one thing that she just couldn’t deal with anything else.  However, for those who have commented the episode went too fast, just think: how would Emma’s behaviour have gone if it had been slower?  I know I’d have been sitting there calling her a damned fool and wondering why she wasn’t seeking advice from Snow instead of August.  In this case I can say it’s because of the focus and that she can only deal with the characters who already know because she feels crazy enough already, and also she can’t emotionally deal with another big incident while her son’s like this.  But, still…if they’d given us time we would’ve been demanding to see more of those reasons and feelings and frankly, they’re not that interesting compared to what had to happen in this episode.

Hurrah for Jefferson, standing up to the Evil Queen!  I wish we’d seen at least a shot of his daughter’s face, perhaps just as he ran up behind her.

To be honest, I mainly spent that whole end montage going: show me Belle and Rumplestiltskin!  Show me BELLE!  We just saw her being told she’d remember!  SHOW IT!!!  And that…did not go as well as I wanted it to.  I’d like to sit down Rumplestiltskin and have a bit of a chat.  First of all, how will there be time for loving times with Belle AFTER the cloud of doom if that means going back to being unable to kiss without losing your magic powers?  Second of all, you do realize you’re killing the dream Bae bought for you even more disastrously than you did the first time, right?  Third of all, how is the thing you need to do not related to the dagger now that everyone will remember about it and presumably want things even more here than they did in FTL?  Fourth of all, what security have you got on that shop of yours, cause I didn’t notice you smuggling out the things you’ll want people to bargain back from you.  Surely this is something you should’ve thought of?  I’d expect that much of you.  Fifth of all, you seem to have a great idea about fashion, so how long  is it going to take you to do something about Belle’s asylum attire?  Sixth of all, did you notice how Belle just forgave you?  I wouldn’t trust it, or at least I want you to go about making gestures FOR her, not just in front of her.  Get on it!  Seventh of all, your motivations are now the exact opposite of what I predicted and wanted from this show.  Make it up to me.

Speaking of memories, Henry will no longer be the authority on what’s happening.  He will, in fact, be the least in the know after this point.  How will he handle that, do we think?  This show wants him to be the cute kid, but if it’s realistic at all, I’d say not well.  Of course, then he and Emma will have an even greater bond over being outsiders than they had over Operation Cobra, so.  Also, as Henry was born outside of FTL and does not seem to have any magic, will he be able to return to FTL ever?  Or will it need a special little extra jot of magic, a deal with Rumple or Regina?  I feel like that will be the main conflict of Season three if they get that far.  Season two to work out Rumple’s plan here and find Bae for him and the way back to FTL for everyone else.  Then Season Three will have this Henry thing and the how people will reconstruct their lives in that world.  Also, will the writers be able to continue their flashback format in season two?  It’d have to be more individuals remembering their own lives than overall context, I suppose.

Regina’s problem seems to be that she takes out her life’s issues on all men, as well as Snow.  The Huntsman, the genie, Jefferson, she tried to use Charming…I feel like she blames them for not being Daniel.  If only she’d play nice with them once in awhile and follow through, she wouldn’t have all these problems.  Charming escaped-because the Huntsman wanted to strike back.  I am so glad he got the opportunity for that!  Now she’s lost Belle as a bargaining chip because Jefferson is getting back at her.  Geesh.  I really hope her stance in Season Two goes into things other than a simple: you need therapy for issues with men territory.  By the way, I am also extremely happy that the episode ended with her smiling.  I didn’t want her to descend back into Caricature Catfighter.  She’s lost so much this episode, she needed to get something back in order to be viable.  And I like her to be viable-I like the actress.  Next season I want her to go to Oz to try and make alliances against Rumplestiltskin, and also so she’ll have another land to go to instead of back to the FTL she wanted out of so badly she killed her father.

Both Henry and August technically died, but that was the lamest outcome to give us after reporting there’d be a shocking death.  Nothing is shocking about either of those.  Also, Henry woke up and since August technically now fulfilled his promise to mentor Emma into performing heroic deeds, I expect he’ll come back to life.  Possibly still as wooden, but you know.  That’ll only last til they get tired of paying for the special effects.

So, in short: that was awesome!  I have many thoughts, and I was shocked that they were even able to make David more of a wussass than ever in his conversation with Snow before the curse broke, but they did.  HOWEVER.  All of that pales in front of MALEFICENT THE DRAGON.  She must come back.  *nods*  So long as that happens, it’ll all be okay.  Right.  Carry on, show.  Go figure out how to bring me my witch, and my Jefferson moments, and my desire for Oz next season.  (You figure out that whole parent/child/age conundrum on your own time.)