Once Upon a Time 2×9 “Queen of Hearts”

Well, that was a veritable cheesecake of cheesiness, family-home toppings, and crumbling plot points.  I’ll allow it because the holidays are almost here.

 

Spoilers and Thoughts:

1. For an episode called “Queen of Hearts” there was disappointingly little Wonderland.

2. They are doing it again, with trying to make Hook everything all at once: he’s the anguished, heartbroken lover who can’t rest without revenge.  He’s the callous pirate about to murder Belle for no reason other than frustration.  He’s the chivalrous pirate who freely returns Aurora’s heart.  He’s the badboy player who makes lots of references to sex and women losing their hearts to him.  He’s trying to have chemistry with Emma.  Just STOP IT.  Also, saying right out you would’ve betrayed Cora if Emma hadn’t tied you up right in front of the witch-mother herself was an absurdly stupid thing to do.  Why she just smiled I can’t say.  Perhaps she assumed it was a lie.  Simply couldn’t waste time on the fool when she’s close to reaching Regina.  Whatever-it was idiotic.

3. I am Extremely Gratified to see that with David out of the picture people did indeed begin to call in Ruby when there was an emergency.  Very good.  Perhaps we can keep that up as he will be busy with his family.

4. I am unclear on why no one but Ruby and Henry ran after Rumplestiltskin and Regina.  If no one steals from a dwarf, shouldn’t the dwarves have gone?  The only reason is that the show needed it to be only Henry who convinced Regina to switch sides in order to bake in more cheesy goodness.  I’m not adverse to that result, but there should be a reason why others couldn’t come.  Perhaps holding vigil over sleeping cursed people is addictive and they just couldn’t look away?  Could be the start of the fascination with zombies in Storybrooke.

5.  So, did Hook kill the giant in order to get the dead bean and we just totally glossed over that bit?

6. If they try to make the whole convoluted ‘we all get back because there’s really two ways that Hook knew all the time’ thing something he kindof did on purpose because he likes Emma and just wanted her to be in the new land with him, I will cut things.

7. Goddamn, Belle’s history gets more glum every time we see it.  Someone get the girl a tasting position on Iron Chef for the foreseeable future.

8. I dearly hope Cora’s keeping her heart the same way the villains do in Russian tales-in an egg, in a duck, in a fox, in a chest, at the top of the tallest tree (or similar things), and guarded by a fierce beast-in Cora’s case, the Jabberwocky.  I need this to happen.

9. I think everyone’s forgotten that Rumplestiltskin would also have ruptured feelings upon seeing a son abandon the parent who just magically tried to do everything they could to protect them.  After all, that’s EXACTLY what happened to Rumplestiltskin.  Granted, the details would give Rumplestiltskin a lot more guilt than Regina’s, but that will only make his emotional trauma worse.  His taunts to Regina could well be the automatic mechanism he’s built up in order to deflect his own tumultuous feelings.  Not that I promote taunting, but if we’re going to feel sympathy for Regina in this situation, Rumplestiltskin deserves a little, too.

10. Do we think the show will remember that magic is supposed to be different in Storybrooke and make her have trouble, or will they conveniently bypass that aspect on the argument that she came from a magical world to one which currently also had magic?

“Wholesome Wonderland”

“Wholesome Wonderland” in honor of Alice Day: a tidbit about Disney, the Jabberwocky, and escape!

Toves slithed round her angular arms as she fell.  Hair hazed around her face and she found herself perfectly confident that she’d land fluidly upright as easily and elegantly as a draped fur.  This was a far pleasanter experience than she’d expected when she leapt under that odd manhole to escape her pursuers.  Outgrabing her limbs in a stretch, the woman touched down-toes first, amid the sounds and colors of mome  raths arguing with borogroves.

“Well!  This place certainly has a distinct sense of style, at any rate.”  Warmth seeped tingling into her translucent skin.

“Get her!  ‘This place’!  What a thing to call us!” chattered the patch of pansies and dragon snaps.

Dappling as she moved, the woman strode through two of the tall hedges leading away from the blooms’ oasis.  A brief mental image of her snappy red car lying wrecked and steaming in the world above flashed through her mind.  She gave herself a brief shake, and glimpsed another shade of red off to the side.  A tall woman, she merely stepped on her toes to glance over the hedges as she moved.  Several bushes full of roses met her eye, about fifth eights of which had been painted the red of her busted car back when it’d been new.  “Fools,” she muttered.  However, when four turns later she spied roses who’d been painted so long ago their dye jobs were turning gray and purple from wear and dust, a lurking grin began to grow.  “They know how to stay alive, no matter what.  But do they have anything worth living for?”

She stepped out of the maze into an orchard by a stream with several extremely odd-looking houses placed along it at oddly spaced intervals.  From the nearest one, pink with enormous elliptical windows and an air of golden smoke to it, hopped a rabbit carrying a pocketwatch and wearing a waistcoat.  He ran right past her on his way to the little foot bridge.  “Late!” vaguely hit her ears.  Then the woman’s eyes took over for that rabbit had the whitest, longest, most luxuriant looking hair she’d ever seen.  Her limbs twitched and gimboled with the thought of running her hands through it, of feeling that length of fur against her skin.  Images of herself as Ice Queen, Snow Queen, Pure Mistress, sloughed through her head.

Without knowing it, she had begun to run.  After the white rabbit!  I must catch him!  She through back her head and laughed.  This was exactly her kind of world, after all!  What were hedges or annoying flowers if she could only catch that rabbit?  ‘After all,’ she mused, ‘I’m sure that roses can be painted black, also.’  The thought of ornately black roses placed artfully over a coat of stunning, rabbity white brought the lurking smile fully out in plain view.

For years afterward, the inhabitants of Wonderland would look back on the days with only the Red Queen as the Wholesome times, before that dashing entrance of Cruella DeVille.