Happy National Hobbit Day 2

Happy National Hobbit Day!
(Previous festivities here: https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/09/22/happy-national-hobbit-day/)

“An Ode to Hobbitiness”

movies_shire

Couldn’t be a Bilbo, and leave it all behind.
Couldn’t be like Frodo, to burden so resigned.
Hardly a Samwise, with smile always on-
Where has all my hobbityness gone?

Not a fan of mushrooms,
My home’s above the ground.
Don’t care much for foot hair,
No garden to be found.

But I love growing things, without the thumb of green-
And rhyme and sing to tell the wheres I’ve been,
Merrily, I’ve stolen time in fields and fireworks-
Could it be my inner hobbit lurks?

Will travel in my time,
Too impatient for the ents.
Won’t worry for the silver,
But electricity and rent-

It’s hard to be a hobbit, without a Party Tree,
Without second breakfast, elevenses, and tea,
Just hosting thoughts of friends too far to see-
Still, I’ll be the best hobbit I can be.

If an apartment can be a homely house,
And savoring meals can make it two-
If I can celebrate simple things,
and friends like me and you

Then a hobbit’s stout heart can face a future scary,
And anything that comes along won’t be too much to carry.
And I’ll survive mistakes as foolish as a Took’s,
And make it there and back again, like hobbits do in books.

So let all hobbit selves appear like burglar Bilbo,
To frolic and indulge as much as they will, though
Real life might return to push the shire away,
Just snack and let it be a Happy Hobbit Day!

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Lords of the Rings AND Other Things

In a recent birthday discussion about activities with the Lord of the Rings cast, in literary figures and then in actors, several things became clear.

1. If a magic school the equivalent of Hogwarts began in Middle Earth, its founders would be:

-Elrond for Ravenclaw

-Boromir for Gryffindor

-Samwise for Hufflepuff

-Saruman for Slytherin

2. When visiting a haunted house with a LOTR character, you should take Aragorn.  He’d totally have your back.

3. When on a whale-watching boat, the person to hang out with is Sean Bean.  He has the ability to engage in and enjoy shipboard merriment while simultaneously being aware of the environment and on alert for sightings, even if the other passengers include pranksters.

4. If one had to babysit with someone that someone should be Elrond or Hugo Weaving-can you see the expression on his face when they overhear things he hadn’t wished them to or started running the wrong way?

5. If one of the cast had to be your wedding planner, it should be Andy Serkis.  He’s got directing experience and the ability to make incredibly stressful, going-wrong things laughable.  If it had to be a character, your wedding planner is Faramir. 

6. If one of the cast were to give the first speech at your wedding, it should be Boromir.  He gives short, sweet speeches and appreciates the real life of the party.  Moreover, he’s good at directing everyone else to partake more in the merriment.

7. If one of the cast were stalking you, it should be Billy Boyd.  If one must have a stalker they should be a soulful Scottish singer.

8. The funniest charades partner would be Dominic Monaghan.

 

Other things have candidates.  For instance

-When going to a haunted house  with the actors, would it be more fun to go with Elijah Wood (reassuringly goofy, but into it) or Liv Tyler (loving the fear, but reassuringly on the brink of laughter)?

-Would the best character stalker be Pippin (hilarious and bearing food) or Legolas (most soothing stalker ever and pretty)?

-Would you rather play charades with Haldir (swishy, painstaking, and interpretive dancey) or Legolas (earnest, stiff, and hilariously helpless at guessing)?

-Who would you most like to maintain an allegedly fancy garden with?  Ian McKellan (“Good work, now let’s knock off and have some iced beverages in our hats”) or Liv Tyler (“All paths lead to beautiful”)?  In characters, would you partner with Elrond (who guarantees both serene learning and a flourishing garden) or Samwise Gamgee (who guarantees growing things and agreement to your plans)?

-Who’d make the best college roommate?  Frodo (quiet, reader, good for dancing at parties and rooting-for-you advice on crushes) or Faramir (quiet, reader, good for hiking and giving perspective on parental issues)?  Or acting-wise, Ian McKellan  or Liv Tyler?

-Who would you like to host a dinner party with?  Gimli (most enthusiastic foodie, good for rousing the carousing) or Bilbo (best thinker of food choices and used to putting up with the worst of manners)?  Ian McKellan or Elijah Wood?

-Would your favorite Middle Earth designer (if all of them became adept for an epic designing show) be Faramir (Symbols, shininess, whites, and blues) or Eomer (Soft cloth, warmth, golds, and burgundies)?

-Who would you most like to bake cupcakes with?  Theoden (coziness, inept comedy, and victory announcements) or Samwise (earnest, peaceful, and up for most of the work)? Or Elijah Wood (goofy, messy, and everything-licking good) or Liv Tyler (calm, sweet partier)?

-Who would you like to ride a roller coaster by?  Galadriel (twinkle-in-her-eye) or Faramir (the light on the horizon is EVERYWHERE)? 

-Who would you most like to read your tarot cards?  Galadriel “(I see things that are, things that were, and some things that have not yet come to pass”) or Bilbo (“This is the most fascinating thing I learned from the elves, let me ponder, hmm”)?  Or Hugo Weaving or Sala?

-Whose self-help book would you most like to read?  Faramir’s “Resisting Rings to find Happiness” or Theodon’s “Getting out of the Ring in your Head”?

 

Feel free to weigh in with votes, other options, or more questions! 

(For example, ones with too many candidates to put here were With whom would you visit the zoo?  Who’d be the best partner in a non-dangerous but tricksy maze?  And so on!)

Tolkienmas Tale-ol 3: “Return of the King”

To finish commemorating Peter Jackson’s Tolkien films in appropriately festive fashion, I offer a song about “Return of the King,” to be sung to the tune of “Angels We Have Heard On High.”

 

“Aragorn we have Crowned on High”

 

Mordor we have breached, today.

Brought the Ring to Mount Doom’s fires

And Gollum’s bite has torn away

Sauron’s hold on our desires.

 

Burn, in the fiery chasm

Burn, in the fiery chasm

 

 

Now heroes claim victory,

Now Lord Sauron’s lost his ring.

And by Gondor’s flowering tree,

Aragorn is crowned the king.

 

Aragorn, is the king of Gondor

Aragorn is the king of Gondor

 

 

Hobbits their way home do wend,

For their Shire has been saved.

Fellowship’s quest is at an end,

Just goodbyes still must be braved.

 

Frodo sails into the west

Frodo sails into the west

Frodo sails into the west.

 

For previous ones, go here:  https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/12/09/tolkeinmas-tale-ols-2-the-two-towers/

https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/tolkeinmas-tale-ols-1-fellowship-of-the-ring/

Tolkeinmas Tale-ols 2: “The Two Towers”

The next Christmas carol I’ve bent into service as a festive song to celebrate Peter Jackson and his Tolkein films commemorates “The Two Towers” to the tune of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland.”

 

“Walking through a Rohan Warrior-land”

 

Uruks come,

couldn’t miss them.

Theoden,

Are ya listenin’?

Saruman the White, besieges us tight,

Walking through a Rohan Warrior-land.

 

Gone away is Eomer.

Here to stay is Aragorn.

Protecting us when, it begins again,

Walking through a Rohan Warrior-land.

 

At helm’s Deep we can fight by the elves

And pullback behind our rows of walls.

They will try to kill us as we slay them,

And Aragorn will see we never lose our balls.

 

Later on, at 5th sunrise,

Gandalf comes, with our good guys,

Now fight unafraid-uruks’ll get PAID.

Walking through a Rohan Warrior-land.

 

At Helm’s Deep we can fight with heroes,

And charge out for ruin and the red dawn.

We will win the day for the Rohirrim,

As the ents face Saruman on his lawn.

 

Later on, with the hobbits,

Isengard’s forced to stop it.

Now mankind’s been saved,

the way has been paved,

Walking through a Rohan Warrior-land.

 

For the “Fellowship of the Ring” carol see: https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/tolkeinmas-tale-ols-1-fellowship-of-the-ring/

Tolkeinmas Tale-ols 1: “Fellowship of the Ring”

For the upcoming release of “The Hobbit”, I have decided to get festive.  The advent of more/mas Tolkein could do with a few carols, or tale-ols as celebrations of Peter Jackson’s past fine work.

Part I is “Fellowship of the Ring” commemorated in song to the tune of “Do You Hear What I Hear?”

 

“Will You Go Where I Go?”

 

Said Frodo Baggins to his gardener,

“Will you go where I go?”

As I set off on a quest so far,

“Will you go where I go?”

Due east, due east, into Sauron’s land

with the orcs as numerous as sand?

With the orcs as numerous as sand?

 

Said Elrond to the gathered lords,

“Will you guard the hobbit?”

As he goes toward fiery Mount Doom,

“Will you guard the hobbit?”

“With sword, with axe, and with elven bow,

We will guard wherever he may go!

We will guard wherever he may go!”

 

Said Gandalf to the company,

“Fly, you fools, and leave me!”

As I fall down deep in Morria,

“Fly, you fools, and leave me!”

They ran, they ran, in woods, on river beds,

Protected by Aragorn ahead,

Protected by Aragorn ahead.

 

Said Aragorn to those who still stood near,

“Hold true to each other!”

As the fellowship no longer shared their cheer,

“Hold true to each other!”

Let’s fight, let’s fight, and save the hobbits bold,

Let’s keep Sauron from spreading his hold!

Let’s keep Sauron from spreading his hold!

 

They kept Sauron from his ring of gold!

Dom+Billy

This poem about Billy Boyd (Pippin) by Dominic Monaghan (Merry) is the fulfillment of everything I think of them in my dreams, all the loveliness that can be put in a simple poem, the bromance of the century, and it’s a genuine statement about the human condition.  Dom, my hat is off to you!  *sigh of contentment*

In honor of this, I revisit an old Dom/Billy fanfic:

“Euphoria”

He watches him, and keeps his face devoid of expression because he’s just figured out something. Something about him. It had been years since he’d first caught sight of his fascination, his intrigue. And now, sitting in a coffeeshop laughing over drinks and distorted dreams, he’s finally beginning to understand. He’s always known there was something different about the man, something special, but he’d never been able to discern just what about him it was. He’s come close before, but tonight is the first time he actually gets it. He’s found the clue. The clue is simply this: Dom coaxes people into laughing. He doesn’t trick, or surprise anyone into it with witty dialogue like Ian. He doesn’t beguile it with eagerness like Orlando, or summon mirth like Viggo’s bouts of insanity. The others cause laughter naturally, through their clumsiness, their absurdities, their shrewdness. Dom’s levity is earned. To most of them, laughter is an echo of their own perceptions, an affirmation of their own personalities. But to Dom it means more. To Dom, it’s all about the company. If you were laughing with Dom, it meant that he was thinking about you. That was the great secret. He understands people by what makes them laugh. When he was with Dom, he was always laughing.

His thoughts collide with the eye contact, and Billy becomes suddenly and acutely aware that he has no idea what words have just been spoken. But even without knowing, he recognizes the look on Dom’s face. It’s the look of expectation he wears when Billy’s about to laugh so hard he can’t stop until his noggin’s been badly damaged by coming in contact with something hard. But now Billy sees more then the threat, he sees the concentration. The unconscious and unwavering focus, on him. Billy throws his head back, and laughs.

Dom watches from across the table, and listens. He doesn’t know why Billy didn’t hear him. He doesn’t know what prompted the visual examination. But he does know the sound of euphoria when he hears it. And when he hears it from Billy, he falls in love all over again. Someday, he’ll have the courage to do something about it.

The table falls silent, and the two men finish their drinks.