Fairy Tale Christmas Comforts

The Christmas tide is very near and things may seem very stressful.  That means it is once again time to keep things in perspective by noticing all the ways in which your holiday festivities will probably NOT resemble a fairy tale:

 

1. Even if you don’t get around to sending everyone their Christmas cards, you won’t have to worry about your children being cursed in retaliation.

2. The delivery people for your balls, toys, and treasures will not ask to share your bed as a reward.

3. If, instead of buying, you are spinning raw materials into gifting gold, you can rest assured that even big mistakes or delays will not result in you losing your head. (Or your baby.)

4. Any unwelcome visitors who trick their way into your house will likely settle for Christmas dinner, or perhaps even Christmas cookies, so your flesh is pretty safe.

5. The gingerbread men will not insult anyone.

6. No matter how sick you get of Christmas carols, even the awful ones will not have the power to lure your loved ones away from you.

7. At least you weren’t asked to build a jeweled palace overnight for anyone’s gift.

8. Even if you don’t have someone’s gift ready on time, you will not have to make up for it by giving up “the first thing you see” or “the first one who greets you” upon your arrival home.

9. Even if your family doesn’t allow you to sleep on Christmas Eve, at least you don’t have to face the big day with no sleep AND exhausted feet.

10. Reveling in your new possessions will not land you in hell or cause you to lose control of your limbs, even if those new things are red shoes.

11. No matter how mechanized the new toys are, none of them will carry your children off into the sky (even if you would like them to).

12. Don’t worry if a gift exchange seems uneven-even the presents that seem like small beans can show just how much magic there is in your relationship.

13. Even if you received a living thing, you won’t lose it if you don’t pick out the right name right away.

14. Even if a gift starts to fall apart, just remember: it has no control on anyone in your household’s looks, love, or ability to handle cutlery.

 

Happy 200th anniversary of the Grimms’ Fairy Tales and Merry Christmas!  Just remember, it could be worse-it could be a fairy tale.

There are 14 reasons today because the Grimms’ anniversary demanded 10 all their own, and there were a few non-Grimm fairy tale references I could not resist adding.  25 Points for every fairy tale reference.  55 for every new one added.

Non-Disney Dinner

There are also ample reasons to be thankful life is not really a cartoon or akin to the Disney version of fairy tales as you gather for dinner.

 

These include:

1. No birds put their germ-ridden feet on your pie in order to make the indentations in your delicious crust.

2. You do not have to eat the same piece of food from opposite ends with someone else in order to show you care.

3. No one will put out their cigarettes in your dessert. (Hopefully.)

4. The kitchen appliances and utensils will not complain about what you did or did not eat.

5. The cooks will remember to properly bake their dishes before applying toppings or decorative touches.

6. The seafood will not wander off your plate.

7. No one will serve you food by launching if off their elbow.

8. There will be no grubs.

9. Your dishes will not be the hiding spot of choice for mice.

10. The condiments will be slathered onto food instead of pocket watches.

 

(Seven points for every Disney reference you know.  Fifteen points for any new Disney thanks you have to give.)

Fairy Tale Food for Thanks

Today is a day to be thankful that:

 

1. There is a variety of food instead of simply a house (full) of dessert.

2. The cooks both appreciate and use salt, but it is not the only gift they’re serving.

3. There are enough greens without attempting to steal, beg, or barter them from anyone, let alone a witch.

4. Even if someone did ruin the loaf of bread, or side of potatoes, or pie, no one sunk down through the earth to be tortured as a statue in a realm more creepy than hell.

5. Since the family is gathered around the table, you can be sure that you didn’t accidentally imbibe the flesh of your son, sibling, or other relatives.

6. No matter what path you take to your family’s house, or how many wolfish problems you encounter on the way, there’s now insurance for that.

7. If you find a piece of jewelery in one of the dishes, you won’t have to try it on half the people in the realm before returning it to the right owner.

8. Even ducklings that grew up as just ugly ducks still taste delicious.

9. If a piece of food like apple, poisoned or not, becomes lodged in your throat, odds are someone will know and employ the Heimlich maneuver instead of imprisoning you in a coffin-like display case.

10. No matter how sleepy the meal makes you, you WILL wake up in less than a hundred years.

 

So raise a glass and give thanks that your holidays are not a fairy tale come true!

(Twelve points for every fairy tale reference you know.  Twenty-five points for any more fairy tale thanks left in the comments that fit the theme.)