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The Borgia Bulletin 3×8 (Tears of SPOILERS)

Well, it is high time we got back to celebrations and heartbreak, isn’t it?

 

Dear Caterina: I must say, I’m a little disappointed in you.  I’d have expected you to realize the Pope would make money off all the Jubilee Year pilgrims at the same time he was figuring out how and have had your relic plan ready by the time it started.  Also, I think it would have gone over better if you’d let them come in to see and then you all were equally shocked and blessed by the “miracle.”  (Plus, of COURSE you add a miracle to it-always miracles!  Why did someone else have to say that???)

Dear Lucrezia: Cannot wait to see what you’ll do next.  I assume you and Cesare have some sort of code you concocted as kids you can use?

Dear Michiletto: Goddammit!  He just had to twist that knife, didn’t he?  I think what you need is some time away thinking about how many people you can kill before Lucrezia poisons them all.

Dear Cesare: I thought you rode in with a group of your army guys, yes?  Why did only you and Michiletto go in the cave?  Where the hell were any of them when you came out??  That part felt a little off to me, but hey-if that’s what it takes to feel the love of God, sure.  Great calls on all the coding things.  I do love to see your Cesare-needs-to-cut-a-bitch face, but just let Lucrezia kill this one, okay?  You boys already got the last king for her.

Dear Frederigo: Great pitch, creepy presence, and dastardly plots=excellent villainy.  I give you an A.  If you want to keep it though, I’m gonna need to know what you’re getting out of Caterina Sforza.  I had assumed you’d want a hostage and inside knowledge of the Borgias on your own account, but since you’re in a league, I’d like to know why.

Dear Herb Lady: How does everyone know about you??  You’re like, the go-to royal get-out-of-jail-free card, only by “free” they mean someone else dies or gets otherwise eliminated.  How did that happen?

Dear Mattai: Ya know, if Jews could just sabotage anything they want…I can’t even finish that.  Whatever, this episode needed some fire and I’m in favor of Jews living equally anyhow.

The Borgia Bulletin 3×5 (The Wolf and the SPOILERS)

This is a hunting episode, with quarry enough for everyone!  That like never happens.  Yet it is still believable!  And cruel as well as convenient!  Huzzah!

Dear Cesare: The real name of this episode could’ve been Cesare Borgia-wooing is easy!  Of this season, actually-you woo them even when you’re really uncomfortable with it!  I’m so happy you found a wife you actually are comfortable with.

Dear Charlotte Bride: You’re kindof too cute to be on this show or in this family.  I’m really excited to see how you handle your first big curve and I’m all ready to give you a PANTHER! to either celebrate or swipe at your reaction.  In the meantime, keep on keeping Francois Arnaud onscreen without clothes.

Dear Machiavelli: You need to show up more.  Period.

Dear Lucrezia: I’m sorry you couldn’t kill him yourself, really I am.  I do love the fact that you can let go and let Michiletto take care of you.  You, Michiletto, and Cesare make the perfect dysfunctional threesome.  I can’t even stand it.  Also, your last dress with the slitted puffed sleeves?  Gorgeous.

Dear Michiletto: Hoops of steel, you say!  I believe you, good sir!  I ALSO believe you are already exactly as loyal as the servant in “The Frog Prince” whose heart broke when he lost his master to the witch’s curse and so wound a band of iron around his chest to keep it together so he could go on living long enough to find his prince again.  EXACTLY.  I didn’t know I could love you more, and yet I do.

Dear King Ferdinand: These are the shrieking eels.  Keep them around on purpose and eventually SOMEONE’S gonna have to get eaten by the eels at this time.

Dear Nurse: Thank God you apparently take Giovanni out of his room mysteriously late at night, but…seriously, where on earth are you going??  It’s not like he has an actual bathroom or anyone asking to see him that late with Lucrezia gone or…anything.  I don’t understand it.  It was distracting.

Dear Bianca:  I really wanted to start this review by saying, “Scriptural dirty talk FTW!” but…then you just got so pitiful and wrenching.  It was an excellent progression and you executed it really well.  Go haunt Juan Borgia for me for awhile, okay?  I feel like you deserve to do more.  Also, I think you’ll be glad to know, you did manage to get your husband back for what he did, with a little assistance.

Dear Cardinal Sforza: I’ve always loved your ‘Cardinal Sforza is practical’ to ‘Cardinal Sforza can connive with anyone, bitch!’ arc, but never more so than today.  Today, you are officially an honorary Borgia.  All caps off to you, and I can’t wait for the day when you’re carrying around a vile of poison in yours.  Perhaps it has already come and we just haven’t seen it yet.

Dear Caterina Sforza: You continue to make me love you.  Don’t ever let up.

Becoming Mr. Brooking (The Mad Hatterlys)

Becoming Mr. Brooking (The Mad Hatterlys 2)

By: Marguerite Butler

(http://www.amazon.com/Marguerite-Butler/e/B004SUR0FG/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1)

Musa Publishing 2011

A regency romance novel review

 

When Graham Hatterly decides to consider sponsoring Horace Tolliver’s botany expedition, it seems like a simple business arrangement.  Then his secretary Mr. Brooking takes ill and light-spirited Mr. Hatterly decides to travel in his stead.  Undercover, of course.  Hard-pressed to provide for any guest, Edwina Tolliver finds herself saddled with housing and entertaining “Mr. Brooking” throughout a flood.  As Graham learns more about the Tollivers, his own expedition grows into much more than Becoming Mr. Brooking.

This book is like strawberry cheesecake.  It fulfills all the sweet, cheesy expectations of this type of story, yet somehow makes it seem fruity-fresh and organic.  I believe it’s the inherent likability of the two leads.  They are charismatic characters with chemistry who transcend their roles.  Yes, Graham Hatterly is the gadabout playboy, but his issues are treated as real faults, not dramatic allure.  Edwina Tolliver’s different-from-society behavior highlights a character I’d like to befriend, rather than a stereotype or the folly of normal society.  Her temper is particularly admirable.  Their interactions include everything you’d want in awkwardly-close-environment encounters, while progressing in natural ways and for good reasons.

Basically, this is a light, quick read that made me laugh, while the characters made me smile.  I’d like to read it again.  Plus, we spend more time with people from Compromising Prudence (https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/09/09/compromising-prudence-the-mad-hatterlys/) in a way that builds on the family dynamics of the “Mad Hatterlys” rather than being simple cameos.  So far, this is a fun family to discover.

Borgia Bulletin 3×4 (Banquet of SPOILERS)

This is like the happy hour of Borgia episodes.  There’s plenty of dark, alcohol-type, feelings and nefarious shenanigans about, but nothing goes too far, the plotlines are focused in tidy little dishes that aren’t really full entrees yet, and everyone knows these are the lighter ploys before someone really throws all their money on the table.

 

Dear Costume Department: The lighter fabric covering bosoms before leading up to a little collar is interesting.  It makes me want to talk about how to cover their emotions, the Borgias are creating walls around themselves, but walls that are so explicitly tied to their emotions that it’s impossible for anyone to miss the connection and therefore it doesn’t really hide anything.  I may be reading a lot into that, but it’s what I got-particularly when Lucrezia’s being congratulated in that dress on her gratifying wedding night.

Dear Jeremy Irons: You are talking to your daughter about how great her sex was, which can in no way be construed as checking she’s okay after her wedding night because everyone knows she’s not a virgin, and chortling at discovering her sex life was transformed, and still somehow-SOMEHOW, you sold me on being touchingly paternal in this scene.  HOW??  Also, your flabbergasted yelling when you find out about her lack of sex cracked me up.

Dear Alfonso: Okay, I do feel sorry for you now.  Exhibitionist sex is bad enough, without it being a) the only way you can get your wife to have sex with you and b) your first time.  Frankly, I was impressed that you managed so easily, considering your virgin status.  On the other hand, she did help you and a cousin watching is faar from the situation she was in.  I think you really just mellowed me out with your awkward talk about her liking sex “the usual way.”  Also, “Like brother and sister”?  Wow, you’re great for setting other people up to force awkward things.

Dear Cesare: French Ambassador guy seems cool.  Maybe you can subtly suggest to him that you’d like a French princess who looks exactly like your sister.  I bet he’d manage it-hey, it’s no skin off his back and it’ll give him more pointed things to say over wine.  In fact, you two could have a wonderful time trading pointed (but not barbed, he’s not a threat) remarks over snacks.

Dear Lucrezia: Please, please, please draw blood for the exhibitionism.  What I’ve been missing since Juan died is for you to have an enemy to deal with.

Dear Versucci: Smart man!  If you’re really going to hide your stolen money from the Pope, the best thing to do IS give it to the poor!  They’ll never think of that.  I do wonder how you navigate around in fields and rocks so well.  I thought you’d been living well at the Vatican for years-did you also steal maps?  Did you tour around a lot in youth and have a great memory?  Do you ask directions at every stop to the next place?

Dear Vatican Librarian: I’m so glad you are back!  So-did you “enjoy that”, as the Pope thought you would?

Dear Giulia: I didn’t expect you to be such a…presence in your night.  Couldn’t trust anyone else to be the auctioneer?  I’m glad you finally did your inevitable duty, but this storyline didn’t do much for you as the solution to getting leverage over all Cardinals in this Vatican was obvious.

Dear Cardinal Farnese: Poor, overwhelmed boy.  You had a very interesting look on your face at the end-were you just shocked at the others’ behaviour or were you a little sad you missed out on the fun?  Cause it kindof seemed more like the latter to me.  What do you think?

Dear Other New Cardinals: This is how we know you’re new-you paid no attention to the man behind the partition!  On the other hand, you know it’s dangerous to refuse Borgia invitations and you did know the Pope wanted money for the Crusades, so one can see how you might have felt that so long as you did spend the money for the right cause you’d be okay.

Dear Sforza Stealth Man: You reminded me of those weight guessers at carnivals, only with guessing the exact moment sex begins.  Is this a special talent of yours?

 

 

Borgia Bulletin 3×3 (SiblingSPOILERS)

It has arrived-hat inevitable incest scene!  I must say, I thought the show did an admirable job of making it believable and sympathetic that Lucrezia and Cesare end up turning to each other for this need as well as all others, rather than making it a symbolic roast of their characters or simply more gratuitous sex.  Well played, show-I appreciate it a lot.

 

Dear costume department: Have I told you how I love you lately?  I’m particularly drawn to Catherina Sforza’s hair today.  I don’t even understand those braids.  I was never particularly fond of that style of hat, but by God you went for it, which I don’t think I’ve really seen before, and I thank you.

Dear Alfonso: If a question mark is the worst people think of you, you are a lucky man in this show.  The middle is a good, safe place to be sometimes.  In any case, running off and sulking all night on your Wedding Night is unacceptable, even if you’re not trying to marry a Borgia.  Really.

Dear Vesucci: You very narrowly miss my wrath-at first I thought he was setting the library scrolls on fire, which is Never Okay.

Dear Micheletto: You did not get enough screentime.  Your response to someone accusing you of thievery is possibly my favorite thing of you ever.

Dear French Ambassador: This is great fun.  You have the best job ever, travel to luxurious locales and rag on your king’s wife.  I am pleased that you seem to appreciate this, as soon you’ll have to deal with less amusing topics.

Dear Cesare: I think it’s time to get another PANTHER and gift it to Catherina’s little wolf who decides this is the place to insult you.

 

This is clearly a winding-up episode, done well.  Enjoyed this course a lot, thank you, the garnish and crunchy toppings were particularly delicious.  Now bring on something even meatier!

 

 

Oz the Great and Powerful

This movie was a monumental disappointment.  Its plot was so devoid of any substance it can be summarized spoiler-free, simply by reciting a list of gender offensive stereotypes:

-Blonde girls are good, dark haired ones are bad.

-Women who show initiative and take charge are evil, those who wait around for a man to come and take charge are good.

-Any sexual impurities utterly ruin the female’s character for the rest of her life, while the male party has no need to acknowledge responsibility or take part in shame, but on the contrary has his personality confirmed as good and he is awarded the “good,” pure girl.

-Little white girls are saviors who refine character, particularly when they’re in pain.

-Everything with women comes down to looks.

 

So much for what the plot entailed.  What it did not contain also harmed it, as it failed to answer any questions or add any unpredictable story layers to its cannon.  There is no mention of ruby slippers or where they came from, no explanation for why water is the Wicked Witch of the West’s kryptonite, no description of the flying monkey’s relationship with people…..nothing interesting.

 

Even from a visual standpoint, “Oz the Great and Powerful” disappointed.  In a world littered with iconic visuals like the chilling appearance of the Wicked Witch in the Emerald City and the first time Dorothy sees Oz’s projection, this movie offered: bright colors, a stunning visual of China Town they put onscreen for all of 10 seconds, and visually interesting opening credits.  That’s it.  Even the costumes were decidedly unmemorable, except for what color they were.

 

In short, “Oz the Great and Powerful” contains absolutely nothing worth seeing, let alone paying for.

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