Once Upon a Time 2×24 finale “And Straight On Til Morning”

There’s no leaving the need for spoilers:

 

-Does anyone else find it highly suspect that the holy Tamara and the sacredness of her quest allow her to leave escape plans with the most selfish males she meets, aka August and then Hook?  ANYONE ELSE feel that’s pretty much a red flag around here?

-So, Snow White is now clearing the darkness in her heart AND proving her and her hubby’s leadership skills by…declaring that she wants to risk the lives of herself, her family, and all of her subjects for Regina’s because it’s the “hard path” and because she still feels guilty over killing her mom.  This is the most selfish, horrible leader thing ever.  Luckily, I love Regina and really need her to live, I just thought we were going to get there through Henry or even Emma’s that-is-wrong-FAMILY feelings rather than hearing one woman using her guilt to imperil her people being portrayed as Great-yay!  And then to top it all off, it is Therapist Approved!  Come on, Archie!

-It is amazing to me that, in spite of being all moonish and anguished over Milah’s image, Hook never seems to think of Bae as Milah’s son, just Rumple’s.  In his private references to him it’s always the Dark One’s son or the kid the shadow’s looking for, only after Bae brings up Milah does Hook use her as a tool to persuade Bae into staying aboard.  This bugs me-just one more way in which Hook’s lovesick story is inconsistent.

-Technically, Cinderella’s baby was also born here, so Henry would have had it for company.

-I am gratified Granny was finally called in as babysitter, though.  Greg and Tamara wouldn’t get past her shotgun at Henry.

-There was a pathetic lack of Ruby.

-Emma’s magic powers are extremely convenient at all times, I must say.

-Was anyone else expecting Belle to wake up, remember all the bad things Gold let himself do at Lacey’s urging, and be all upset at him?  At least a little bit?  Make SOME comment about her Laciness?  After the town was saved, at any rate.

-I loooooove everything Regina in this episode!  On point, focused, and without even any really long speeches or claims.  That is the best media dying ever and no one ever, ever does it!

-Does everyone just assume if the diamond got sent to another land it would just not do anything, as opposed to simply exploding somewhere else?  Cause the random missile plan is truly not heroic.

-We’ve been over this-it took him forever, but Gold has magical security on his shop now!  Did Lacey let the dwarves in?  Also, we’ve been digging up memory-reviving fairy dust for weeks now and Sneezy STILL NEVER GOT HIS IDENTITY BACK???  THE HELL, SHOW?

-You’d think Ruby could survive as a wolf, right?  I mean, her wolf self did get born again in Storybrooke, so it was technically born there, sortof.

-I do finally buy a storyarc of Hook’s in this episode, though.  The reaching of his wearing-down point and willingness to try new tactics was believable and touching.

-These Lost Boys…first, do you suppose the confiscated shadows are then sold to the coachman in Pinnochio to be his creepy shadow workers on Pleasure Island?  Second, why are they dressed like Robin Hood?  Three, if they’ve just been looking for Henry all this time, as opposed to even a small short-list of desirable boys to kidnap, life in Neverland just got reeeeally boring.  I do not find this as Neverland version as intriguing or dangerous as others seem to, because….how frustrating and tedious is that?  Fourth, we saw a lot of scenes there at night.  Shouldn’t we have heard this creepy crying for parents Wendy spoke of?  Five, if there’s a picture of the boy the shadow wants, can’t he see whether he’s got the right one or not?  Geez.

-Please let Tamara and Greg be quickly dispatched and replaced by more interesting higher ups in the next episode.

-Someone could explain how Phillip got revived, perhaps?

-Perhaps we can finally get some Pirates of the Caribbean references?

-Also, Tiger Lily!  Get on it!

And that’s Season 2!

Once Upon a Time 2×18 “Selfless, Brave and True”

Are they kidding me with this?  At least this one wasn’t boring.  On the other hand, it wasn’t really better for it and that’s tough to do.  SPOILERS:

1. I believe all the flashback!August can be summarized like so: He was even more of an idiot than even I expected.  This is also tough to do at this point and not really better for it.  This is clearly the secret name of this episode-“Tough to do, but no better for it.”

2. To be less summarizey, August was turning back into WOOD.  WOOD!  Like a living wooden puppet!  And he went to…THE HOSPITAL!?!?  Nevermind his ethics, for that act of stupidity alone he deserved to be tasered.  However, it wasn’t alone, because the second you know he actually went around TRYING to show normal, everyday people that he’s turning back into a giant wooden puppet (*headdesk*) and found out no one normal could see it, than it makes his act of trying to make a big reveal of his woodiness to Emma in order to convince her of things, and subsequent surprise at Emma’s lack of seeing woodiness, INFINITELY MORONIC.  I CANNOT EVEN.

3. If that guy was supposed to be Mushu from Mulan, than I officially call that these show’s writers must all have a secret vendetta for that movie for some reason.

4. They realize that arrow shooting song is also used in “10 Things I Hate about You”, which also features angry/confused women shooting arrows, right?  That cracked me up.

5. Yes, clearly the ability to project your own deep personal issues onto someone else and push them into all sorts of things they’re not ready for just for your own peace of mind is DEFINITELY the shortcut back to being the pure, non-blackened, good side of yourself.  Way to go, Team Snow.  (*glare*)

6. It is plain that the writers don’t even care about the Owen/Regina dynamic.

7. I desperately wanted Regina’s speech about juice cleanses to end with “Apple juice, of course.”

8. WHY IS THERE NOTHING ELSE I CAN SAY ABOUT REGINA THIS EPISODE?  TOUGH, AND THE OPPOSITE OF BETTER FOR IT.

9. At this point I’m just going to start making up my own legend/fairy tale/mythic tie-ins.  For instance, someone rewatch the last episode and find out how many pieces of apple daddy Kurt ate at Regina’s house-that’s how many years she kept him in the asylum to punish him.

10. So, that whole huge deal August made last episode about needing magic in order for the woodiness to not kill him-which they REFERENCED this episode by saying that he couldn’t move at all before magic was restored-is somehow not going to prevent him leaving town?  There’s still no magic outside Storybrooke, right?  August is still all wood, right?  You even JUST REMINDED EVERYONE MULTIPLE TIMES that the reason August needed to help with the curse was so the woodiness wouldn’t kill him through paralysis…..Yet they had August driving out of town-where there is no magic-and….nothing bad happened. (*headdesk headdesk headdesk*)  Bad show!  Bad!

11. I’m sorry, if August had time to say “Emma” twice he could have spit out “Tamara” no problem.  Sadly, he’s been shown to be such a colossal idiot this episode that what happened is, indeed, believable.

12. Yes, the obvious way to fix everything is to put people back in time with NO memory of what they did wrong, so they will be unable to learn from their past actions.  Uh-huh.

13. You know what?  The end of this one was such a huge mess I don’t even think it’ll be satisfying to point out all the different things that went into making it so.  Let’s just stop here.  There’s plenty enough to headdesk and be upset about without getting any closer to the Tamara or August endings here.

Is this one of those things where someone’s getting kicked off the show so they’re doing their best to leave it in the worst shape possible right before they’re forced to leave?  It’d explain a lot.

Once Upon a Time 2×16 “The Miller’s Daughter”

Now, this-THIS is the kind of episode I’m talking about!  *applauds*  SPOILERS AHEAD:

 

1. Rose McGowan was absolute perfection as young Cora.  She had a matter of minutes to take everyone on a journey, make Cora’s life understandable, make her death meaningful, and add more layers to Rumplestiltskin and Regina.  She hit a home run.

2. Granted, her story was not as perfect as the acting.  It’s hard to think there wouldn’t be a separate entrance for deliveries, particularly ones like flour that generally go to the pantry/kitchen area.  The straw into gold claim was…not great.  But she sold it so well I don’t even care.

3.  Rumplestiltskin sure does know how to make a girl feel powerful.  Mixing this gift of power with his attraction and affection would definitely make it harder for someone like Cora to understand the benefits of love on its own, without being intertwined with power.

4. It is very clear to me why Cora’s loving embrace did not affect the Dark One’s powers the way Belle’s kiss did in Fairy Tale Land: Cora loved him as the Dark One.  If anything, her kisses would keep him the Dark One, not efface it.  Belle loved him in spite of being the Dark One.  Hence, her true love’s kiss could turn him into the man she saw him as.

5.   Snow became real again this episode.  It was highly abrupt-if only she could have used that gift for persuasion on Regina at their meeting in the diner before the dagger was found, this could have all been different.  It was highly poetic justice for Cora-her first offer to corrupt Snow and achieve one of her vengeful goals comes true so as to kill her and parallel Snow’s pain in Regina.  Cora needed to die for many reasons, including the show’s pacing.  With Cora in the works there are just too many villains running about throwing off any sort of balance of power and absolutely wrecking Regina’s role.  Snow could never really have controlled Cora through her heart-she has enough sense to know that Cora would get it back somehow and it would all just start again.  Additionally, she probably knows that if she touched Cora’s heart she wouldn’t be able to keep from smothering it.  Most of all, Snow felt how ultimately unsatisfying it would be to kill a woman without a heart.  Cora was already bereft of everything Snow cares about-in order to really exact revenge Cora needed to die with her heart intact.  Rumplestiltskin did not really play a part in Snow’s calculations when she was acting.  He had shown her a path that gave her everything she ultimately wished about Cora-Snow had to carry it out that way because it was the perfect death for Cora, saving Rumplestiltskin’s life had no part in the thought process once she began.  I doubt Regina had much to do with it either-Regina could reach Cora and replace the heart.  Snow would never be able to get that close.  It was as simple as that.

6. Gold’s deathbed call to Belle was perfect, as was his simple follow-up with Bae.  It was the best way for Bae to start mending his relationship with his father.

7. Cora died wonderfully.   I’ve been thinking a more accurate name for this show might be: “All Mothers Die.”  Eva, Cora, Ruby’s mom, Mila, Gepetto’s mom, Jefferson’s wife, Hansel and Gretal’s mom, Cora’s mom is presumably dead, Snow’s chance to really be a mother to a child was killed so symbolically Snow-as-mother died, between giving up Henry originally and the current split from her lie, Emma’s motherhood is still at least not well, Regina’s ability to be a mother is questioned and denied constantly, even mother figures like Johanna get flung out of buildings…   The only mother who I think has escaped the curse is Cinderella and she’s not really in the show.  Plus, pretty much all the main storylines are running on mother deaths-Snow’s motivation, Regina’s motivation, Rumple’s arching misery, etc.  Ergo, “Once Upon a Time….All Mothers Die.”

8. I just adore it when Gold wins everything in the end.  I am Just Fine with that.  Bring it on, Gold.  It’s gonna be good.

Once Upon a Time 2×15 “The Queen is Dead”

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. As “Bae was a Lost Boy” was always my go-to acceptable reason for his age, I suppose it can be permissible, although really-they cannot take much longer before giving us details.

2. I really love the fact that good queen Eva got the sparkly red gown while Regina appears in the white dress (in the genie episode).

3. Little Snow’s sparkly pink party dress is the ultimate Disney marketing ploy.

4. Mrs. Patmore/Johanna is ALWAYS appreciated by her beneficent masters!

5. How could Snow not know people made it to Storybrooke?  There is seriously not enough reunions and searchings going on since the curse broke.  This is Gus being murdered and no one else from Cinderella showing up all over again!  Shame on everyone.

6. FINALLY, finally Gold has placed magical protection on his shop.  I am SO relieved.

7. When Snow said she had a plan to make Cora distrust her mother I thought she was going to, you know, start talking to her about her mother.  No one likes being told you’re wrong-and-I’m-right OR do-what-I-say-or-else and Snow did BOTH before even introducing anything about Cora to the conversation.  She could have used Henry, she could have used facts she remembered about Cora, she could have done So. Much. Better. in her mission.  But no, she got preachy and I wouldn’t blame Regina if for that reason alone she stopped considering crossing Cora.  The real issue here isn’t weather good wins, it’s weather you can figure out how to be good while still being considerate enough to get over yourself and talk to people, rather than preaching at them or beating them over the head with platitudes.

8. I love the dagger’s hiding place.

9. Seriously, Cora made Regina do the digging when they were searching for the buried dagger, rather than magicing it up?

10. The Blue Fairy continues to be utterly useless at anything other than saying “this is the last of its kind” and often being wrong.

11. So…how exactly did Hook find Gold?  Is he also an excellent tracker now?

12. Seriously, no one thinks to text Gold or Emma again about this your dagger’s been taken issue?

13. Is anyone seriously surprised about Cora’s engineering of queen Eva’s death?  Or anything else?  I could have done with other flashbacks this episode, although I did love the costuming.

14. On Cora-honestly, her death is the best possible shot at happiness for….everyone, up to and including her.  Killing her should be everyone’s logical priority for the side of good winning, not Snow’s crisis of faith about good being workable.

15. I am very much looking forward to the tale of the Miller’s Daughter, though.

 

 

Once Upon a Time 2×9 “Queen of Hearts”

Well, that was a veritable cheesecake of cheesiness, family-home toppings, and crumbling plot points.  I’ll allow it because the holidays are almost here.

 

Spoilers and Thoughts:

1. For an episode called “Queen of Hearts” there was disappointingly little Wonderland.

2. They are doing it again, with trying to make Hook everything all at once: he’s the anguished, heartbroken lover who can’t rest without revenge.  He’s the callous pirate about to murder Belle for no reason other than frustration.  He’s the chivalrous pirate who freely returns Aurora’s heart.  He’s the badboy player who makes lots of references to sex and women losing their hearts to him.  He’s trying to have chemistry with Emma.  Just STOP IT.  Also, saying right out you would’ve betrayed Cora if Emma hadn’t tied you up right in front of the witch-mother herself was an absurdly stupid thing to do.  Why she just smiled I can’t say.  Perhaps she assumed it was a lie.  Simply couldn’t waste time on the fool when she’s close to reaching Regina.  Whatever-it was idiotic.

3. I am Extremely Gratified to see that with David out of the picture people did indeed begin to call in Ruby when there was an emergency.  Very good.  Perhaps we can keep that up as he will be busy with his family.

4. I am unclear on why no one but Ruby and Henry ran after Rumplestiltskin and Regina.  If no one steals from a dwarf, shouldn’t the dwarves have gone?  The only reason is that the show needed it to be only Henry who convinced Regina to switch sides in order to bake in more cheesy goodness.  I’m not adverse to that result, but there should be a reason why others couldn’t come.  Perhaps holding vigil over sleeping cursed people is addictive and they just couldn’t look away?  Could be the start of the fascination with zombies in Storybrooke.

5.  So, did Hook kill the giant in order to get the dead bean and we just totally glossed over that bit?

6. If they try to make the whole convoluted ‘we all get back because there’s really two ways that Hook knew all the time’ thing something he kindof did on purpose because he likes Emma and just wanted her to be in the new land with him, I will cut things.

7. Goddamn, Belle’s history gets more glum every time we see it.  Someone get the girl a tasting position on Iron Chef for the foreseeable future.

8. I dearly hope Cora’s keeping her heart the same way the villains do in Russian tales-in an egg, in a duck, in a fox, in a chest, at the top of the tallest tree (or similar things), and guarded by a fierce beast-in Cora’s case, the Jabberwocky.  I need this to happen.

9. I think everyone’s forgotten that Rumplestiltskin would also have ruptured feelings upon seeing a son abandon the parent who just magically tried to do everything they could to protect them.  After all, that’s EXACTLY what happened to Rumplestiltskin.  Granted, the details would give Rumplestiltskin a lot more guilt than Regina’s, but that will only make his emotional trauma worse.  His taunts to Regina could well be the automatic mechanism he’s built up in order to deflect his own tumultuous feelings.  Not that I promote taunting, but if we’re going to feel sympathy for Regina in this situation, Rumplestiltskin deserves a little, too.

10. Do we think the show will remember that magic is supposed to be different in Storybrooke and make her have trouble, or will they conveniently bypass that aspect on the argument that she came from a magical world to one which currently also had magic?

Once Upon a Time 2×8 ‘Into the Deep’

Well, the season seems to have hit its stride now.

 

Spoilery Notes:

 

1. The rules for these hearts are getting way too complicated, now.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but if it’s that simple to turn heartless corpses into zombies, when Regina was royally pissed off and grasping at anything that might spoil Snow and Charming’s lives, perhaps she might have tried her veritable army of heart zombies before destroying her homeland, facing a huge life transition, and killing the person she loved most??  I suppose this might be a a stolen-heart option that Regina didn’t learn.  Still, this bothers me.  Plus, now there’s the puppeteer version of stolen-heart usage.  This puts a new light on Regina’s dealings with Graham when she took him as her sex slave.  Perhaps puppetry only extends to talking and you can’t use it to enforce actions?  Or perhaps this is a way in which Regina is less monstrous than Cora-she simply tells Graham how much power she has over him, but still gives him the freedom of choice about whether to abide by her rules or face the consequences?  Or maybe Regina didn’t know that, either?  In which case, either she was still a lousy student in her power black leather or Rumplestiltskin had majorly changed his curriculum.  Also, so are hearts two-way listening devices?  In order for it to be useful Cora needed to know when Aurora found the others and what she was being asked.  However, we didn’t hear any voices coming through the heart, and also that seems like a bigger magical leap.  Hearts contain life-yes, therefore they can reanimate bodies-fine, people can “speak from the heart”-bit of a semantic-heavy stretch but it does work from the basic full-body control and centralized power of the heart, so alright…I suppose you can also “listen with your heart,” but that’s only got semantics and no other power, tradition, or biological support.  It’s hard to buy, and the show did nothing to try and sell this two-way puppetry power.  Also, it begs the question-if you could just do that than why bother to kill Lancelot and support being in two places?  Surely it’d be simpler to just hang out with his heart and puppet him.  Perhaps she tried to just take his heart, but he was such a good fighter she had to actually kill him?  With so many heart possibilities around, I just don’t understand why these uses do not seem to have come into play before now.  It makes the villains either slow, boring, or unbelievable.  Think things through, show, we do have a complicated backstory to line information up with.

 

2. They seem to be making Cora more like the classic Maleficent all the time: the close crow pet, those heart-zombies did rather resemble the dust-colored minions in “Sleeping Beauty”, she shape-shifts…Plus, this episode was filled with other “Sleeping Beauty” references.  This interests me.  I prefer Cora as the show’s version of Maleficent than the Maleficent from last season in human form.

 

3. There should be more exploration of Belle and Real World things.  They are fun.  Also, they make condiments magical.

 

4. Rumplestiltskin, you had best compose a policy on what level of incident requires you to break a date.  Otherwise I foresee you  never being able to order Belle dessert.  And if condiments are magical, she will be blown away by things involving candy or smothered in chocolate.

 

5. Please, show writers, please let that squid ink be related to Ursula from “The Little Mermaid.”  That is the way to make things awesome.

 

6. This necklace does not seem to be all that Gold promised it would be.  What’s up with that?  Also, David, when you say you’ll guard something with your life, I expect you not to just leave it lying on the floor YOU ARE TRYING TO SMASH.  Plain luck that it landed close enough to you to find again after you got through, and that was your first gift from your grandson, even if it’s not turning out to be all that useful!  I would say thank goodness he’s asleep now and can’t run around making me more irritated at him, except I’m quite sure the show will still manage to work him into all the episodes.  At least he’ll be cut off from having what I consider dis-satisfactory relations with Henry or inadequately running the town.  Just because George is a destructive douche does not make him wrong.  Maybe now everyone will listen to Ruby, as they should.

 

7. I would also like to say “thank goodness the show finally took a stand on Hook’s personality,” but I  foresee them still trying to swing him back into the light before everything’s done.  Personally, the times when I’ve liked him best is when he’s been Cora’s pretty boytoy.  He’s good at that and it keeps his douche-swaggery in check.  Plus, there’s more looking at him and actually hearing sense since Cora does most of the talking.  It’s a good deal.  I can even give up all ideas of Captain Jack Sparrow references if Hook can just stay in his place and stop trying to fill all the male roles the show wants going on at once, even though they are contradictory: anguished lover who lost, cocky player, rebel boy, junior villain, bad boy who needs saving, boy with a crush….get over it, guys-he can’t pull all that off.  Too many roles for only one actual part.

 

8. The original room David found himself Sleep Cursed to is reminiscent of the Phantom of the Opera’s torture chamber.  It would be an interesting twist if the reason the Phantom looks so different and needs to wear a mask is because he never found out how to get out of the burning room, so his flesh is constantly awful, and it was PTSD trauma from sleeping for so long that made him want to create things like his torture chamber.  Can we get that cross-over in here?

 

9. If Cora was such a monster and had such an army of hearts from killing people, why does no one else seem to know about her?  Did she only kill orphans with no friends?

 

 

 

Once Upon a Time 2×7 “Child of the Moon”

Huzzah for Ruby!  Why is she not central to more episodes?
Spoilers:

 

On King David: I don’t know what to do with him.  It seems he is trying to compete with the likes of Lord Voldemort in convoluted plans, but he’s not great with them.  He could’ve just started with burning the hat.  If all you need is a diversion, you don’t have to murder and frame people.  (Speaking of which, does Charming not do ANYTHING for himself?  Keep an eye on your damn hat, dude.)  He could’ve gone after Henry-I’m guessing the reason he didn’t is because Regina’s protecting him.  Perhaps he really just loves efficiently and is going all-out in this one plan to take care of shepherds, werewolves, and mice in one fell swoop.  He always did have issues with anything that was sortof a different species.  If that’s the case…okay, but you’ve got too much time on your hands, dude.  Also, how did you call up a mob so quickly?  I mean, wouldn’t people frightened enough to lynch a person want them to stay locked up until after they weren’t-ya know-A WOLF anymore and then kill the much-more-easily-lynched girl?  Either David is really good at whipping up mobs or these people all owe him something-perhaps subjects he was good to or that worked with him as the attorney general.  It’s true that he’s good at getting Charming to express his hubris.  Maybe he is good at psychology?  I dunno, in that case I’d expect him to make me care about him more.  I just can’t get worked up about a the man.

 

On Ruby: Love her  more, as always!  The backstory did seem rather cliched, but they did it well and it made her Storybrooke persona’s paralyzing self-doubt much more grave and meaningful.  Also, it solidifies her ties with Snow, which will hopefully mean that Ruby will in fact finally get a large say in running the world once people are back together.  She had lines in here that could’ve been super cheesy and Ruby delivered them so well that they only evoked emotion and understanding.  Plus, she is standing up for all the liberal, boundary-crossing, not speciest beliefs that King David is spiting, making her ultimate foiling of David’s scheme a highly political and poignant moment.

 

On Gus: First, I LOVE that the mouse asked the wolf out on a date.  Second, I’m not sure how it makes sense that he was a truck guy in this world.  Third, he was really cute!  Fourth, I really wish King George had used an accomplice named Luke (short for Lucifer) who used to be Cinderella’s stepmom’s cat to actually kill him.  We would have had Lucifer, the convoluted part of the plan would have actually made sense if George was working with someone else who had to be made happy too, and then perhaps Bruno could’ve come forth and been made deputy sheriff.  Bruno would make an awesome sheriff or deputy.  Also, just how anthropomorphized did animals have to be to become humans in this world?  If all the talking animals were made human, surely the town should be bigger.  Fifth, shouldn’t Cinderella or Jack or someone showed up when Gus got killed?

 

On Anita: I am impressed how much you look like your TV-wolf-daughter.  You could’ve looked a little less maniacal in the beginning, though, so that when you got all speciest it would be more surprising.

 

On Snow: Again with the wearing the white when you need to be able to hide in the woods!  Also, how did you get free after Red attacked her mom?  I didn’t see anyone untie you.

 

On Snow White and Rose Red: I really wanted there to be a bear.  It was wolves this time and that’s good, too, but come on, show: a bear who turns into a love interest should come into the mix aaaanytime now.  You don’t even need a pesky dwarf who put a spell on the guy, you’ve got Gold and he would be perfect for that!  Absolutely no excuse for this tale not to happen-I know you know it.  Get on that!

 

On the FTL part: Like I said, Emma, if you’re going to lose Hook you should’ve got intel on where Cora’s at.  What kind of a head start can you possibly have when he knows where he’s going and you don’t?  Well, the nightmare got cleared up much sooner than I thought.  That’s good, although one wonders why all these people who’ve been under the sleeping curse don’t wake up totally burned.  I can only assume that when actually under the curse the dreams are person-specific and it’s just the aftermath where it’s this particular place.  Still, though-why isn’t Aurora getting burned?

 

On the fairy dust: Did it bother anyone else that there was absolutely no mention of: And now we can restore Sneezy!  Yay!???  Because there SHOULD HAVE BEEN.  It makes me dislike people.

 

Overall: Much better than last week, guys.  Let’s keep the spiral going up.

 

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