De-Disneyfied Dinner

Once more, it’s time to give thanks that our holiday meals are not Disneyish.

For instance:

1. Your pumpkin(pie)s have not been run over.
2. No eggshells will be folded into your pastries (at least not deliberately).
3. You won’t have to deal with talking birds while eating tasty poultry dishes.
4. There will be no bugs bathing in your beverages (or if there are they won’t be lucky enough to escape).
5. If the chow gets burned, you won’t have to cough your way through it anyway.
6. You can be sure your firewood/wood chips did not once belong to puppets.
7. Hyenas will not get first crack at your meal.
8. If you get caught up in drama and excitement, no one will smear jam on your face and expect it to calm you down.
9. The biscuits will be fit for humans, not raccoons.
10. You will not have to give a dog the vast majority of the cheese crumpets.

Seven points for every Disney reference you know. Fifteen points for any new Disney thanks you have to give. Points also still valid for last year’s list: https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/11/22/non-disney-dinner/

Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy every bite of food that you did not have to contend with an anthropomorphic animal to eat!

Non-Disney Dinner

There are also ample reasons to be thankful life is not really a cartoon or akin to the Disney version of fairy tales as you gather for dinner.

 

These include:

1. No birds put their germ-ridden feet on your pie in order to make the indentations in your delicious crust.

2. You do not have to eat the same piece of food from opposite ends with someone else in order to show you care.

3. No one will put out their cigarettes in your dessert. (Hopefully.)

4. The kitchen appliances and utensils will not complain about what you did or did not eat.

5. The cooks will remember to properly bake their dishes before applying toppings or decorative touches.

6. The seafood will not wander off your plate.

7. No one will serve you food by launching if off their elbow.

8. There will be no grubs.

9. Your dishes will not be the hiding spot of choice for mice.

10. The condiments will be slathered onto food instead of pocket watches.

 

(Seven points for every Disney reference you know.  Fifteen points for any new Disney thanks you have to give.)

Fairy Tale Food for Thanks

Today is a day to be thankful that:

 

1. There is a variety of food instead of simply a house (full) of dessert.

2. The cooks both appreciate and use salt, but it is not the only gift they’re serving.

3. There are enough greens without attempting to steal, beg, or barter them from anyone, let alone a witch.

4. Even if someone did ruin the loaf of bread, or side of potatoes, or pie, no one sunk down through the earth to be tortured as a statue in a realm more creepy than hell.

5. Since the family is gathered around the table, you can be sure that you didn’t accidentally imbibe the flesh of your son, sibling, or other relatives.

6. No matter what path you take to your family’s house, or how many wolfish problems you encounter on the way, there’s now insurance for that.

7. If you find a piece of jewelery in one of the dishes, you won’t have to try it on half the people in the realm before returning it to the right owner.

8. Even ducklings that grew up as just ugly ducks still taste delicious.

9. If a piece of food like apple, poisoned or not, becomes lodged in your throat, odds are someone will know and employ the Heimlich maneuver instead of imprisoning you in a coffin-like display case.

10. No matter how sleepy the meal makes you, you WILL wake up in less than a hundred years.

 

So raise a glass and give thanks that your holidays are not a fairy tale come true!

(Twelve points for every fairy tale reference you know.  Twenty-five points for any more fairy tale thanks left in the comments that fit the theme.)