Elijah Wood on Classy

This photo from the September issue of Vogue is marvelous!  It purports to be from a movie concerning Henry James and Edith Wharton, but it’s clear what is really happening here.  These guys got together over their insistence that the new version of “classiness” has existed in all classes in the past and decided to get a custom photo done for that purpose, as preparation for launching their acapella quartet called “Class Half  Full”.  Their signature thing is that every song intro involves these puppies barking: their names are Camella and Maximillien.  However, as they were setting up a “bypasser” named Dominic Monaghan informed Elijah that it wasn’t classy to just leave a middle button undone like that.  Elijah was not amused, especially as Dom was wearing his leather cuffs, rainbow-painted nails, and scruffiest outfit for the day.  Also, his trademark smirk.  Elijah here is about to respond with an incredulous, scornful remark.  The guy on the far right is also insulted and ready to back Elijah up.  The guy on the far left just wants to get the picture taken so he can go home and figure out if it’s still worth it to go into the band with these rowdy guys, who might actually be nothing but riffraff.  The girl is enjoying the spectacle and getting a tad turned on.  By the end of this incident, there will be naked mud wrestling.  Maybe even in a classy way.

“The Ghost of Harrenhal” GoT 2×5

Well, this is just getting ridiculous.  Why?  Check the spoilers.

 

1.Killing off Renly that quick, in such a plotpoint, cheating way feels nothing but contrived, forced, and because it happened so fast without even the drama of a fighting chance, laughable.  One of the best nominees for king is dead and I’m gaping at the screen going, really?  If all you needed was a good assassin, surely you could’ve found a human one or three?  I still didn’t get a good look at the holy hell thing, and I went through trauma, TRAUMA, I say, watching that thing get born-I deserve a decent once-over.  Also, I expected something rather more terrifying that a slick, one-man job done with efficiency and discretion from something that a) came from the woman whose catch-phrase is “The night is dark and full of terrors,” b) caused me head-trauma on its delivery, c) clearly has the capacity to do an awful lot more-seems wasted, and d) IS A HOLY HELL ABOMINATION.  CAN’T A WOMAN GET A DECENT THRILL OR HORROR OUT OF A HOLY HELL MONSTER ON THIS, OF ALL SHOWS?  I mean, really-teenage Joffrey is running around psycho, Theon is the cause of all kinds of mental horrors, there’s rat-torture porn, and the frigging shadow-terror of the crazy priestess can’t do better than this?

 

2. At least Margaery’s still in the game.  Why do we need Baelish here, again?  Seems to me the girl always knew how to survive-she was working on Loras before Baelish got there.  Did we just need a man’s voice or something?  Let Margaery shine-we don’t need no Littlefingers here.  Although he did take screentime away from the awfulness that is Natalie Dormer’s dress, which is good.  Also, I do note that Margaery and Stannis share a penchant for using the precisely accurate word.

 

3. Jaqen is officially awesome.  However, he is becoming a close friend of Arya’s.  Perhaps her curse has been shifted to work in her favor this season?  After all, Gendry got away.  A woman wants to speak like him now.

 

4. Dany’s grappling once more with cultural divides.  This is the most interesting part of the show, right now.  Unfortunately, it rapidly falls to the ploy of the guy who got her into Qarth proposing.  It seems very Beauty-and-the Beastish considering she’s stuck in his home, with his things, and he’s offering her wealth and ‘freedom’ of mobility if she weds him.  Unfortunately, something about the lines in these scenes just didn’t feel real to me.  Perhaps the idea that everyone else knows more than her?  Her maid said to expect a proposal from the guy and suddenly he’s there, proposing.  Some alien-looking guy knows how to do tricks that clearly other people are familiar with.  A mysterious woman shows up with cryptic clues.  Suddenly I’m in a fairy tale!  And while I love fairy tales, it’s not the same as being in an epic fantasy story with grit, and certainly not the amount of politics and battles as this story.  There’s a big disconnect for me there-this just felt separate and off.

 

5. I still have no reason to care about Brienne.  Also, the wording of her assessment of Catelyn strikes me as very conventionally sexist, which is odd considering the source and makes even the most token women-are-strong-too character a supporter of traditional ideas in this regard.  Also, why is Catelyn still talking about going home?  She’s got more to be worried about with Robb now with Stannis’ new army that she just appeared in opposition to than ever.  This whole scene just feels like wasted time to me.  So, the bodyguard wants revenge for the murdered king that slurred her honor.  Why do I care?

 

6. Maybe we should just follow Sam’s adventures when we’re with the Night Watch.  This scene just showed how clearly Sam has a personality and could be fun to watch, while Jon Snow does nothing but mope around, ever.  New Night Watch guy seems to know a lot.  Can we just not use ravens this side of the wall?  It seems like everyone over here knew everything the folks at the wall should’ve known for a long time.

 

7. Aha!  Jaqen completed his first promise!  See how that happened without disturbing labor scenes or random holy monsters?  A man killed another man.  Simple.  Plus, we’re convinced he can do it again, in less convenient circumstances.  Imagine that.  I officially do not forgive this show for putting me through that labor scene-just get another awesome man who can assassinate like Jaqen, or possibly even a woman. Just because it’s fantasy doesn’t mean it has to get ridiculous.  Or ridiculously convenient.

 

 

 

 

Batman to Joffrey

 

Geekasaurus Rex, mountainduwe: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU— Oh my gods. .

 

From geekasaurus rex and tumblr: the real reason behind Joffrey’s psycho-ness, as foreseen by me in my review: https://wheresmytower.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/garden-of-bones-got-2×4/!  He knew Christian Bale also starred in American Psycho and thought so long as he did SOMETHING Bale-ish he’d be keeping his promise to Bat-Bale!

“Garden of Bones” GoT 2×4

WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK?  LITERALLY.  Also, spoilers.

Dear Robb, are you trying to switch from here to being a prince in Ever After?  You clearly share taste in girls, going by the nurse’s ranting.  Good on you for remembering to always send the direwolf in first, winning, refusing torture, and being helpful, though.  However, what do you mean you have no idea what to do if you win the war?  I do not have the time to educate you on this and you won’t have time to figure it out later.  At the very least plan out who to delegate finding a proper plan for that to.

Dear scriptwriters, why is it always a leg amputation?  Couldn’t it at least be an arm sometimes, so it doesn’t get so old?

Dear Joffrey, why?  You could’ve been interesting as the only really necessary requirements for you to be villainous here are to be a bastard and side with Cersei.  Why must you go all psycho?  I imagine you and Christian Bale from American Psycho could have a grand, old time.

Dear Sansa, very good!  Hold the party line!  I’m impressed.

Dear Natalie Dormer, what the hell are they making you wear?  That dress looks like the bottom two result of a Project Runway assignment for something avant garde who thinks making stupid necklines is the way of the future and really wanted to use gold gold somewhere but didn’t get enough fabric for the original idea, so just added the ridiculous flower things at the armpits.  And was that blue leopard print???

Dear Baelish, go study Shakespeare’s Richard III.  He could’ve gotten Jaime and a betrothal to Catelyn, too.  Go on.  Shoo.

Dear writers, who are ‘the brotherhood’?  Why add all the new prisoners to the batch of old ones when you know they won’t know anything you want to know?  If you really want to know this, why just one a day?  Just to stall so the main characters can be saved?  Cause I don’t approve of that.

Dear Tywin, much love, as always!  I’d like it if you put a shrewder man in charge of your operation here, but I understand-this is your Isengard and sometimes you’ve just got to send out orcs and hope they don’t mess up or eat all your prisoners instead of bringing you things alive and unspoiled.  I look forward to more of your company.

Dear Renley and Stannis, congratulations!  You finally managed to show up in the same episode!  At the same time, even!  Renley wins most meta remark for noting that a battle between folks with the same standard would be ‘terribly confusing’.  Stannis wins a point in his comments to Catelyn.

Dear Daenerys, maybe you could let Jorah talk for you once in awhile.  Or at least point out that you’re not Dothraki?  Or perhaps negotiate for having food and water sent out if they’re that adverse to letting Dothraki in?  I know it worked out, but that was alll luck, girl-that guy didn’t have to step up for you.  You had other options is what I’m saying here, and you didn’t seem to think you had any more.  Think.  You get a pass this time due to dehydration and hunger.  Also, because the guy who stepped up for you did a good job spinning that well by calling it, “breathing fire.”

Dear Tyrion, very fun and a much better impression of Shakespeare’s Richard III than Baelish.  I hope you’re not planning to trust that kid too far, though-he reminds me of Wembley Fraggle.  Blonde hair, noisy, unable to stick to decisions, goes along with everyone else…he even looks side to side in a similar way when he’s flustered.  What’s wrong with him, is he not really a Lannister?  *raises brow*  Also, good one with ‘anointed’.

Dear ‘Onion Knight’, what’s with that name?  More importantly, WHY ARE YOU NOT RUNNING?  OR SCREAMING?  Or throwing the lamp on the…holy hell thing?

Dear Melisandre, WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL?  I thought “dark and full of terrors” was supposed to describe what happens to your enemies, not, ya know, YOUR LOINS!  Wait…is that why having sex with her equals giving oneself to her god?  Because he’s INSIDE OF THERE and will then have access to anointing  you, or injecting your veins with the drugs, when your dick is also inside her?  I need to not be watching this anymore right now.

“What is Dead May Never Die” GoT 2×3

I like riddles!  Beware of Spoilers:

 

Dear Bran, excellent work!  A shape-shifting shaman is exactly who I wish you to become, don’t believe a word to the contrary!

 

Dear Catelyn, have you forgotten everything about diplomacy and negotiation since last season?  You show up, interrupt a tournament, don’t follow proper courtesy towards kings even though you remark to Robb that Renley should be called ‘king’ now shows you know better, and snark to him in front of everyone.  Wow, I wonder how your mission will turn out.  Perhaps Filch leaked it all out of you last season when you had to betroth everyone.

 

Dear Brienne, you had better become more significant later because right now you seem very token.

 

Dear Theon, finally you inspire a positive reaction from me!  Perhaps you should just stick to yelling all the time instead of going back to snark.  I have to say, I am more surprised you actually wrote a warning letter to Robb than that you burned it.  Of course, I had you pegged for betraying him from the second you opened your mouth last episode, but now I actually see your point.  The Starks never really accepted you as one of their own, they never made you feel as if you belonged.  On the other hand, if you impress your father you will feel you belong again, which you’d long to do in any case, and if you succeed with his cause then you’ll be king after he’s dead.  I mean, you’ll have to kill your sister probably, but you feel like doing that anyway right now.  Of course, your family’s life is rough, but let’s face it-things are rough everywhere these days.

 

Dear Tyrion, finally I see the wonderful character others have long spoken of!  The plan was marvelous, although rather obvious.  Also, I’m a bit surprised that Baelish managing to find out about the Varys story didn’t seem to be a thing.  I expect more devious plans from you next time.

 

Dear Marjorie, you are awesome!  I kindof just want to give you the whole game as you are the only person here who knows how to really enjoy herself in unconventional circumstances.  Or who knows how to be perky or sunny at all ever, let alone while still understanding the whole situation she’s in.  Natalie Dormer, I already love you here and I couldn’t get into you as Anne Boleyn at all!

 

Dear Knight of the Flowers, what happened to your awesomely intricate and shiny armor?  Also, do you have to be so passive-aggressive about things?

 

Dear Yoren, congratulations on meeting the Gondor boys death equation!  An arrow, a lance, and a sword=three arrow wounds, which is the necessary number for killing a Gondor brother.  The kneeling and facial expressions give it the Boromir style, as well.  Well done!  Just the appropriate way to end your mission to save Boromir’s daughter!  And it was also done to allow two young, shorter folk to get away from the villains, but was vain.  Perhaps they’re taking the children to Isengard!

 

Dear Arya, I forgive you as you have managed to save Gendrey by quick thinking and what must be quite sharp eyesight.

 

Dear Renley, glad to see you!  However, I notice there was no Stannis this episode.  IS there a rule about the two of you ever appearing in the same episode?

“The Night Lands” GoT 2×2

Okay, this one just feels like stalling.  Via sex.  Which is expected, but still-I feel like the first episode gave such good, meaty information and this one is a snack instead of a meal in comparison.  Although a really tasty snack, if you like the sexual stuff.  Anyhow, spoilers:

 

On Arya: I am upset that she seems to be losing her smarts.  Couldn’t match the conversational ability of Third-person dude in the cage, told Gendry right off the bat that she was somebody worth finding for the Lannisters, failed to ask how he knew she was a girl so she could avoid whatever the mistake is with others, told Gendry more than he needed to know right away…If those two ever get romantic with each other I will be Very. Disappointed.

 

On Shae: I am also disappointed with Shae for talking to Varys, but still hold out some hope that she knows what she’s doing and simply wants to have maneuverability in case Tyrion’s ship goes down.

 

On Tyrion: You win best line this episode for voicing everyone’s thoughts about Cersei ripping up every piece of paper she’s ever given.  Put her in a library-she’ll have a heart attack.

 

On the Night Watch and Daenerys: Everything that happened here was very predictable.  Something has got to actually happen, already.  By that, I mean something that actually moves along in a story arc and drives either character or events that take more than 60 seconds.

 

On Cersei: Am I the only one who always thought Joffrey was behind the bastard killing?  Also, what does it say about this show when the phrase, “when you came out of mother, ripping her” brought to mind mother-son incest initially and I had to think for a minute to ascertain that this wasn’t a new Lannister-incest storyline we were learning about and remember what actually did occur with Tyrion and his mom?

 

On Theon: To be fair, your life does kindof suck.  On the other hand, you were so incredibly annoying in every possible way in your encounter with Yara that even the twist that put you in your place wasn’t enough to make me enjoy this segment.  Maybe if she kicks your ass.  Ten times.  On the other hand, if being this irritating is what your character is supposed to be, then congratulations to the actor!  You have made me care enough to sincerely hate you.  That’s a compliment, providing it’s who you’re supposed to be.

 

On Salladhor: Overall, I really like this guy.  He’s honest, has clear priorities, and a sense of humor.  Besides, he basically played the “good name for a band” line for this world as a reason to go to war!  But the overt playing of the black-man-as-rapist/black-men-want-white-women-particularly-blondes card is galling me.  Add religious guy’s blatant homophobia and this whole scene just sticks in my throat.  I don’t know what to do with it.

 

On Stannis: Wow, not even Mr. Straightlaced can resist sexual wrangling.  In the power-struggle between you and priestess, you just lost.  Have fun with that.  The woman must’ve really wanted to win, though-that map would NOT be a comfortable place for that activity, although I do love huge map tables in general.  Also, she basically just admitted to pushing religious guy to kill his dad, your old advisor/friend type, and you…didn’t catch on or didn’t care enough to not be distracted.  Neither option is permissible in a possible king.  Your potential suitability for the job has thus ended.

 

On Renley: Is there some rule about the two brothers never being shown together?  Supposedly Renley is a big player.  If I’m supposed to stay interested in this world’s politics, I need to be able to check out all the big potential players.  Show me him.

 

On Baelish: I feel for you-you are not making out very well this season.  You had one speech, delivered very well, that didn’t really have much to do with anything.  Plus, your character’s still getting no respect and you seem to be spending so much time with the whores you’re falling behind in the big picture that is the game of thrones.  Also, if you have a beautiful girl who needs to get you something, have you ever considered enlisting her as an outside spy?  I’m sure there are lots of ways the kind of girl you’re talking about could get information.  Probly wouldn’t even have to pay all her travel expenses since she had the sad, damsel in distress thing down so well.  Come on, now.

 

 

 

 

“The North Remembers” GoT 2×1

Well, I must say that I enjoyed this episode very much!  Perhaps simply because everything is actually in motion or simply that I enjoy people who know how to give me a lot of information without making it seem like that.  I hope this season continues this concise.

SPOILERS

1. I am impressed by Sansa’s recovery in front of Joffrey!  One wonders how long anybody could really survive being Joffrey’s jester, though.  After all, all the most obvious sources for jokes will definitely be off-limits.

2. I understand that you can’t actually show Daenerys’ group using anything akin to parasols or something or it’ll give totally the wrong look-like British imperials or similar.  However…guys, you do have fabric, it seems.  Make some shade.

3. Ah, Stannis, we meet at last!  You’re…not at all what I expected.  I actually think this guy should be in charge of stuff.  He’d make the trains run on time, his libraries would be managed impeccably, and he would never be a negligent ruler.  The use of religious fanaticism is interesting.  It is not yet clear to me whether he is just using it for his will, if he believes it, or if he simply finds the priestess to be one hell of an ally.  I am willing to go along, though worried that he is by far the less charismatic partner.  I see it starting and continuing well, but I do not see a way for this to end well.  Particularly if he continues this inflexible.  If he wants to talk inflexible that’s fine, but then you let your advisor types actually make some compromises for you-that’s how it works.  He…doesn’t seem to have managed that last part.

4. Robb Stark wins the most respect of the night for the best comeback.  “Don’t like being called a boy?  Insulted?”  “You insult yourself.  You were defeated by a boy.”  And so on.  Perfect.  On the other hand, you never, ever say things like, “We’ll all be together again soon.  I promise.”  Never.

5. Lady Stark, you cannot play at war and then decide to just go home whenever.  This situation gravely disappoints me.   I’m with you on not trusting any Greyjoy words I’ve seen so far, though.

6. Cersei tried for  the best comeback too with Baelish, but while fun, her line was exceedingly predictable.  Also, what the hell, Cersei?  I was under the impression you’d secretly told Joffrey everything he needed to know to be your king.  You know, so the next king wouldn’t be one you had to hide your sexual appetites from and he’d have no reason to suddenly turn on you or make you slap him.  This greatly lowers my respect for you-I thought you planned ahead and were creepy Lannister partners and it turns out you just assumed being ‘mother’ would be enough.  Never assume these things!

7. Baby bastard killing!  How traditional.

8. Ah, both the people the Lannisters now need to find so badly, making it easy by sticking together.  Sad.

9. Oh!  Also, I really love Joffrey’s antler crown.

The Pretender (The John Swale Chronicles)

The Pretender (The John Swale Chronicles #7)
By: David Pilling
(http://pillingswritingcorner.blogspot.com/)
Musa Publishing 2012
an historical fiction review

 

The Pretender introduces Edward Balliol, the man whose claim to the Scottish throne is pulling the tides of English and Scottish politics.  With Robert the Bruce’s child son on the Scottish throne and Edward III brimming with ambition, conflict can’t be far off.  This work elaborates on the players of the upcoming struggle while plainly illustrating how the power of kings and countries trickles down to influence the fortunes of everyone.

A short work with a lot to set up, The Pretender is a waiting piece, adding tinder to the fireplace but not yet striking up flames.

The way is shut. It was made by laughter and the funny videos keep it. The way is shut….They have a cave troll!
(Also, in that second one-the pink fuzzie in the murderer of Boromir’s hair is priceless!)

Lily Wight

     If you are going to host a movie month you HAVE to watch all the extended editions of Peter Jackson’s The Lord of The Rings back-to-back.

     After such a long – caffeine fuelled – journey it’s time to celebrate with some favourite funnies 🙂

Related articles

• You Shall Not Pass Up a Chance to See the Latest LEGO Lord of the Rings Trailer [Video] (kotaku.com)
• LEGO: Lord of the Rings will feature 85 playable characters (vg247.com)
• It took a little while for Peter Jackson to come around to the reality of it, but “The Hobbit” will now be a trilogy, just like the “Lord of the Rings” series was. (shortformblog.com)

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“The Big Bang Theory”=”The Little Mermaid”

You know, I just rewatched “The Big Bang Theory” season 5 finale and…from the moment it occurred to me, Bernadette just looked more and more like Ursula from The Little Mermaid as “Vanessa” marrying Prince Eric.  Something about the way she side-eyes everyone or how she looks so smug-although she’s happy for very different reasons here.  In short, “The Big Bang Theory” is now officially a world where Prince Eric marries Ursula, Ariel is perfectly content in her transformation to a “higher plane” and everyone is happy.

Thus, it follows:

Ariel is clearly Amy in this version.  Amy’s vast character development and altered self-image from her introduction to now would be akin, I’m sure in her mind, to emerging from waters where she felt misunderstood and left out to the upper world where things she’s dreamed of happen to her, like sleepovers and being a maid of honor.  Even with Amy’s yen for Sheldon, she clearly values her new self-image as a cool girl in a clique more than him.  Although, her pursuit of Sheldon does mirror Ariel’s determination to snare Eric, making the characters of Amy and Ariel more similar-so, Ariel does want a man, just not the prince.  To cap it off, Amy utters the words, “Please, allow me to continue being part of your world” to Penny in the episode about the chair.

The man this Ariel wants is clearly Grimsby.  Grimsby and Sheldon are both tall, full of advice, talkative, insistent on their personal social rules, and lacking in certain kinds of social grace.  Also, pale and sickly.  Now I’m imagining Ariel chasing Grimsby and him being flustered in a highly Sheldonite way…

Raj is Flounder-the longtime friend full of joy, playfulness (gaming!), loyalty, and innocence.  Only in this version…Flounder is friends with Eric.  Also, his jacket is blue and yellow.

Yes, Howard gets to be the prince.  Let’s face it-Eric is ridiculous!  His only human friends are Grimsby and this washed-up-girl-who-can’t-talk, he’s easily susceptible to suggestion, he clearly likes the rowdy like of a cowboy even though it’s nothing like what he should be up to-just as Howard likes to go out and act the player, when that’s clearly shouldn’t be his thing.  Howard also is incredibly susceptible to any suggestion involving girls, he lives in his own world much of the time, aka the internet, and he does get a lot of social pressure about his different social standing, although in his case it’s his lack of a doctorate and therefore lowered level instead of elevated.   Howard’s magic can be attune to Eric’s flute playing as a random creative hobby.  Eric’s permanent residence in his blood and family inherited castle mirrors Howard’s living at home and depending on his mother.  The Eric part just works for me here, though yes you could argue with ‘prince’.

Penny is clearly the Scuttle of this universe.  The crazy bird (wordplay!) from far-off parts with a more open, wild outlook on life who dazzles others.  Both claim to know about style and romance but obviously make bad choices (remember Scuttle’s attempt at romantic music in the lagoon?).  Both can get very flustered.  But both have big hearts in the right place and will go the distance for a friend.

This leaves Leonard as Sebastian.  This, amazingly, also works well for me!  The worried guy, it is!  That guy who’s obsessed with approval from authority figures (Triton/Leonard’s mom, big diff), who’s constantly trying to check himself to see how he’s doing, who only has one area of expertise (science and music are actually in related fields, guys!), and whose capacity for being emotionally swayed leads them into all KINDS of odd and awkward situations.  Yep, he’s the lobster.

 

As the audience, we are Eric’s dog Max-the only one who always knows what is going on.

This leaves us with: Ariel and Grimsby!  Scuttle and Sebastian! Grimsby facing off against Sebastian and putting him down, but counting on him to side with him against others like Eric and Ursula.  I can see that.  I’m sure there’s more.  But still, the main point is: The Little Mermaid and “The Big Bang Theory”-same folks, happier endings.